Distance relationships are a phenomenon that is increasingly common in an interconnected and globalized world . The massification of the use of the Internet multiplies the opportunities to get to know someone living in a distant country and, as always, love does not understand approaches based on the usefulness of initiating a relationship with a person.
However, some argue that the possibility of maintaining daily contact with someone who lives far away or who has the option to migrate is actually a trap . On the one hand, it makes it possible to meet many more people, but on the other hand, it easily leads to frustration. It is possible that several decades ago the practical impossibility of maintaining long-distance relationships led us to live more isolated, but at least those we knew, normally, we could see them more often, since they lived in the same town, city or region.
Because maintaining long-distance relationships is a psychological challenge.
Problems associated with long-distance relationships
People in long-distance relationships often talk about the early stages as a period in which the illusion of falling in love is mixed with the anticipation of problems that will arise later because of being separated from the partner. They feel “hooked” or “trapped” in an unforeseen situation but which has gradually become an extra concern: making the relationship viable.
All relationships in general can be the source of certain problems of greater or lesser intensity, but long-distance relationships in particular have some characteristics that make them more likely to encounter certain obstacles or uncomfortable situations. These are the main ones.
The perception that the distance between two people is in itself a source of problems that will always be there as long as the relationship is at a distance is, paradoxically, another problem. This is because serves as an excuse for pessimistic thoughts to appear , anticipation of a traumatic love ending or a rarefied environment that will gradually distance the members of the couple.
2. Possible source of non-commitment
Assuming that the chances of the relationship not succeeding are high, it is more likely that lovers will be more reluctant to make a real commitment , whatever may happen.Somehow, our expectations about what will happen in the future affect what we feel in the present, making us “adapt” so that we are not so exposed to a psychological blow.
This may be perceived by the other person as a lack of interest, which leads to arguments and general malaise.
Jealousy is not an essential ingredient of relationships, but people predisposed to be jealous have their Achilles heel in long-distance relationships , where information about what the other person is doing is scarce. If this jealousy passes a certain threshold, the paranoid thoughts cause the person to adopt a possessive and totally toxic role, which harms his or her partner.
4. The planning of the meetings
The need to keep in mind a meeting schedule in which the sacrifices made by both partners are equal is a source of stress. In many cases it is a slight discomfort, but in other cases it can generate real stress crises to combine studies and work with these escapes .
5. The feeling of guilt
In some long-distance relationships guilt is one of the frequent sources of discomfort . The reason for this is that sometimes some people believe they are not doing enough to see their partner more often and to make the days spent physically together be used well.
Perfectionism and the desire to make these periods compensate for the discomfort of being separated for a long time often lead to disappointment and frustration when the (idealized) expectations proposed are not met.
6. Problems enjoying time together
The anticipation of the provisional goodbye often means that the time spent with the couple is not enjoyed . For example, if you are planning a one-week getaway in a foreign country, it is possible that during the last two or three days sadness will take over.
This makes it more complicated to turn the moments together into something happy, which little by little is associated with unhappiness attributable to a couple that is not convenient for us.
7. Lack of physical contact
It is one of the great drawbacks, and is based on the lack of moments of intimacy, eye contact and caresses that are usually necessary not only to feel good , but also to make the relationship mature and mutual knowledge enriched thanks to non-verbal language.
8. The limitations of communication channels
The communication channels through which contact is maintained in a remote relationship can present problems: low frequency of telephone consultation, lack of coverage, limitations in Internet access, etc. This may generate situations of stress at specific moments in which it is thought that the other person may be having problems.
8. Ignorance of social circles
In many cases the members of a long-distance relationship are in areas that are halfway between their places of residence, or they spend time together alone. This means that they do not get to know well the social circles in which the other person moves , losing the opportunity not only to make new friends but also to see the social side of their partner from another point of view.
10. The potential for boredom
The disadvantages mentioned above, added to the fact that time is often spent alone, mean that these moments of direct contact occur in a context of isolation and, sometimes, of a certain monotony. A cost-benefit analysis can make the moments spent together seem insignificant or not very relevant.