Surely, on some occasion, you have met someone who has convinced you of what is right for you , and in a timely manner it turns out that what they think is right for them is not your desire.

Manipulative individuals and their vices

These individuals have no qualms about asking you to put your needs aside for the good of all. They are people who, when they get what they want from you, don’t even thank you.

These individuals are often labeled as manipulators, and unfortunately society is full of them . They are very skilled at making you doubt your abilities by making you feel vulnerable or inferior to others. Their ability to distort others’ beliefs strengthens them when it comes to drawing you into their playground, convincing you that you cannot do something or that you should do it their way because they know how things are going.

Their strength lies in emotional exploitation (and emotional blackmail); that is, they manage your emotions by producing a feeling of guilt , a guilt that is completely unfounded, and which leads you to end up giving in to their desires.

What are the manipulators like?

So in this way the manipulators manage to gain control by finding a reward for their prey and in a calculated way. In today’s article we will try to identify the manipulative attitudes to put a stop to them .

1.They are specialized in detecting the weaknesses of others

Absolutely everyone has weaknesses, and they are the instrument they use to hurt you , because if you hesitate in what you believe, there is something you are ashamed of and want to hide, the manipulative person will try to find out and, if the occasion arises, he will be able to use it against you.

2. They will not stop until they get what they want

They show few qualms about stepping on anyone, for them the end justifies the means . When they are going to act, their pulse does not tremble to do what is necessary to achieve their objectives, and with all this, their behaviour usually goes unnoticed because they are good actors.

3. They are insatiable

Manipulation makes them feel powerful and, as is often the case with power, they always want more . Their moral principles are somewhat damaged, as they are aware that on their own they are incapable of reaching an objective, but that their manipulative capacity can provide them with the ability to reach their goal by using the merits of others, behind the backs of others.They are filled with ambition, a craving that, like the drug, produces a kind of addiction.

4.They need control

The manipulator usually suffers from the so-called superiority complex; they are usually people with traits close to self-centeredness and narcissism. They like to surpass themselves and surpass the level reached previously, in search of ever greater challenges.

However, people who feel the need to consider themselves superior to others, even perfect beings, thriving on the merits of others, denote a certain insecurity which they wear with the appearance of power , but which deep down conceals an overwhelming fear of showing themselves to be weak.

Are all manipulators the same?

Given that manipulation is an art, we can say that the gift of manipulation consists of different capacities and abilities , different types of manipulators can be recognized within this category. We know them below.

1.The instigator

A typical case, in this case the opposite of the two above. He shows off his strength, and not only that, but also a certain aggressiveness . In this case if you are a passive person you will give in to save yourself having to face him. In such a way that “ad baculum” the manipulator gets what he wants by means of coercion, this is the case of antisocial type personalities.

2.The Smearer

This guy’s narcissism is especially marked. He simply feels perfect, he’s a white blackbird, he’s never broken a plate. He’s the measure of things, his rule is the only one that counts. This “perfect gift” will emphasize that you are wrong every time you say something , when he gets the chance he will highlight your shortcomings and ridicule you with his sarcasm. These are people who judge others but do not look at themselves in the mirror except to praise themselves.

3.The Interpreter

This particular type is especially harmful when a group of people, whether it be work or family, have a Machiavellian and twisted personality , act by extracting your words and changing their meaning, a meaning intentionally different from the message you wanted to communicate.

With this ruse you will make yourself wish you had swallowed your words , that they were not appropriate, that you had gone too far or that you had not thought about what you were saying by hurting someone else like that. By metamorphosing your words in this way, communicating them to the right person and modifying their intention, you can end up being the bad guy in the movie.

4.The victim

This guy has been hurt by the world, he keeps regretting that everything bad happens to him and asking himself “why me? He focuses a lot on his own pain, shielding his reprehensible attitudes and behaviors under victimhood. He is always the most unfortunate, far above the others. This type of behavioral picture is usually known as the Job syndrome .

Moreover, leads to think that it is the others who abuse him , he claims justice and has himself as an innocent mistreated, thus creating a discourse for you to feel guilty of his misfortune and how unfair the world is to him. Then, they often take advantage of that speech to lower your defense and force you to agree to whatever he asks of you out of pity or guilt.Later on you will be disappointed, because it is not what you really wanted, but you have already achieved your goal through your whining.

5.The Remora

This kind of manipulator uses your own ego . He is able to make you feel superior, he is less than nothing next to you, a weak and clumsy being, and it is clear, unable to do anything while you do, so you will end up doing what he cannot.

The commiseration it produces and your own ego of strength will make you force yourself, unconsciously, to do what the manipulator does not want to do. In this way, the consequences of such an exercise will be yours, without obtaining any reward other than the empty sensation of capacity, which will later become a waste of effort for which it has not been worthwhile, in addition to the consequent exhaustion.

How do we protect ourselves from these types of people?

There are different types of manipulators, as we have seen. Now, what precautions can we take to avoid falling into their psychological games?

1. Be aware

The first thing we must do is become aware of the manipulation. There are rights that are inviolable and cannot be transferred , those rights are the following:

  • To be treated with respect.
  • To set your own priorities.
  • To express your opinion and how you feel.
  • To defend yourself physically or emotionally.
  • To say “no” without feeling guilty.

If you relate to someone and feel that your rights are being undermined, consider that you may be the victim of a manipulator .

2. Keep the safety distance

Keep your distance emotionally , just like when driving we keep our safety distance so that we don’t bump into the other vehicle and save ourselves an accident. Don’t allow anyone to invade your space or get close to their spider’s web to avoid being hunted. No one can hurt you without your consent.

3. You are not to blame

If you answer no to any of the questions above, consider that you may be the victim and not the other way around. There are certain aspects of reality around you that you can control, but most things are out of our hands, so it’s not your fault what’s going on around you , so if you start to feel that way, try to find out what’s going on.

Question:

  • Do you think what you’re asking is reasonable?
  • What do you think I should tell you?
  • Are you asking me or telling me?

Issues such as these will cause the manipulative subject to consider that he has been ratted out and is likely to look for someone else to con.

4.Take your time

Do not respond to their demands immediately, you must first reflect . Manipulators often put pressure on their victims so that they don’t delay in agreeing to their demands. Knowing how to recognize these moments is fundamental in order not to allow the pressure of the moment to make them yield to rationality, making the interests of others pass us by.

5.Do not hesitate

Do not hesitate in your convictions and stand firm in your statements . Manipulators are very skilful at interpreting your non-verbal communication, if you hesitate they will notice it and will exert more pressure until you finally give in.

In conclusion, if you come across a person who acts like this, you need to be able to unmask him or her. If possible, you should try to help that individual to become aware that his or her behavior affects others and, above all, himself or herself negatively. In any case, do not hesitate and use all these tools that you now know to avoid being a victim of their manipulation.

Bibliographic references:

  • Campbell, W. K.; Miller, J. D. (2011). The Handbook of Narcissism and Narcissistic Personality Disorder: Theoretical Approaches, Empirical Findings, and Treatments. John Wiley & Sons. p. 154.
  • Lynam, D.R.; Gaughan, E.T. (2011). “Assessing the basic traits associated with psychopathy: Development and validation of the Elemental Psychopathy Assessment”. Psychological Assessment 23 (1).
  • Paulhus, D. L.; Williams, K.M. (2002). “The Dark Triad of Personality. Journal of Research in Personality 36: pp. 556 – 563.