Many films, songs or novels are inspired by love, this feeling so intense that it is capable of leaving us with sensations and feelings that are difficult to forget.
Mature loves and first loves
Throughout our lives we can fall in love sometime, and sometimes people even fall in love several times . But first love can be a love so intense that madness can take hold of us. Now, after we come to our senses, the experience of this first failed love can allow us to live the next love in a different way; in a more mature way.
The idea that first love is the only and most important love in our lives is a mistaken belief. First love may be unforgettable, but that does not mean it is the love of our life. You also learn to love, and for a relationship to work, you must also learn to make it work . If you have just left your partner and you feel that you will never love so intensely again, don’t despair. You can love again and you can love better.
Recommended article: “The 6 Inconvenient Truths about Breaking Up”
Love also ends
First love comes to us almost without us noticing it, it invades us, and when we realize it, we are so deep inside it that getting out is not easy. If the first love ends, playing with your feet on the ground again, with reality, is complicated . Lovelessness is a process that can be very long for some people, especially first love. For the lack of experience in overcoming this type of ups and downs can lead some individuals to depression.
Those who have been there know that you can leave the sadness behind and regain the motivation to live, but this takes time. Returning to normalcy is a process, and at the point of leaving behind everything we have experienced, many memories hit our minds. Certainly, it is not easy to accept that the situation has reached its end, that the other person, the one we have loved so much for the first time, will rebuild his life without us and everything we have lived will be left behind so that we will never return . Therefore, to overcome the lack of love, it is necessary to go through a series of stages of mourning .
If you want to know more about the stages of falling in love, visit our post: “The 5 phases to overcome the duel of the couple’s breakup”
After first love… comes the existential crisis
From childhood, culture shapes our way of thinking. Our vision of love, therefore, is influenced by it. We believe that love is like in the movies, something that is not in line with reality. When the first love is over, it’s time to re-educate ourselves, to be realistic and leave behind some irrational thoughts that can hurt us a lot.
And of course, re-educating oneself implies breaking with old mental schemes . When we realize that our way of thinking no longer works, we can suffer an existential crisis. The existential crisis clouds us and makes us feel that we do not know the path we should follow. This can be mentally very exhausting and can lead to emotional problems. At least until we meet ourselves again to get back on our feet.
In this stage of growth we end up looking for a new life in which a new love story can gain prominence. To do this, we need to learn from the past and reconnect with ourselves. It is then that we can open our hearts to love again and fall in love.
Related article: “Existential crisis: when we don’t find meaning in our life”
Making way for mature love
Fortunately, human beings have a great capacity to adapt and can learn from past experiences. First love is usually (but not always) an irrational love. And although it is usually an enormously rewarding experience at first, the suffering it leaves behind can be one of the most unpleasant situations we experience in this life. But like any existential crisis, learning from this experience can make us grow enormously as persons and can allow us to discover mature love .
Mature love is the one that lasts, because even though the flame of irrational love can be very intense, it dissolves in its own fire. Mature love is a love that feeds on understanding , on respect from both partners. The mature love relationship is free and based on communication and negotiation. This love is not born, it is built up over time and it is cared for. It lasts because it is the true one.
Want more tips on how to make your relationship work? In our article “The 7 keys to a healthy relationship” you will find all the information you need.