My ex-partner is with someone else: how can I get over it?

My ex-partner is with someone else: how can I get over it?

One of the most complicated situations we can experience is heartbreak. While falling in love can be a cloud, leaving it with the person we love so much can cause great sadness and affect our lives in a negative way.

Possibly, the lack of love is one of those vital experiences that lead us directly to the existential crisis: our self-esteem is seriously damaged and we do not know very well where we should go in life . Of course, the lack of love is overcome, although sometimes we need time.

When we are broken and left for another

But if leaving you with someone is complicated and painful, it’s even worse when that person we’ve loved starts a relationship with someone else right after they leave us, or worse, they leave us for someone else.

We can feel like real failures, we can blame ourselves for not knowing how to maintain a relationship, we can feel inferior by believing that their new partner is better for us and, worse still, we can believe that we are not worthy people because the other person has remade their life and we are not capable of doing it.

Well, even in these moments of extreme emotional pain, it is possible to come out stronger and learn from this traumatic experience . Below you can find a series of tips to help you do this.

1. Accept it

One of the shortcomings we have as people is that we tend to blame ourselves very easily and not value our achievements enough. And this situation, in which it seems that we are the ones to blame for this story, we can end up crushing ourselves in such a way that it becomes difficult not to spend a single night without crying and without sleep.

To say that to lose the person you love and also to see how he remakes his life with someone and that it is easy to accept it overnight is a mistake, because the impact of the first news we have leaves us seriously touched.

However, it is also true that human beings have an amazing capacity to adapt, and it is these moments that make us grow as people. Therefore, the sooner we accept what has happened, knowing that it is a slow process and that it requires will, the sooner we will come out of it and be able to fully enjoy life again.

  • If, in addition to losing your partner, you have suffered an infidelity, you can read our article “Overcoming infidelity: the 5 keys to success”

2. Express what you feel

This complicated situation, besides being painful, can be embarrassing . It is normal that we don’t want to talk to anyone and that we decide to keep all that pain inside so that we don’t look like weak people. But many times, expressing what we feel with those people we trust can be an emotional catharsis that will help us feel better. However, it is not good to recreate this bad experience over and over again, so it is necessary to move forward.

3. Don’t take it as a battle

It is hard to see that the other person has managed to rebuild his life and has done so with another, but this is not a battle . Everyone needs time to get over their lack of love, and even if your partner is with someone else, it doesn’t mean that he or she has overcome it. There are people who do not know how to be alone because of their low self-esteem and emotional weakness. So instead of focusing on your ex, turn your attention to yourself and your dreams and needs.

4. A new opportunity for you

A breakup always hurts, especially when you love the person you’ve been with very much, but as the saying goes, you learn from pain. Now you no longer share your time with anyone, so you have all the time in the world to get to know yourself and fight for your personal development. Fall in love with yourself and success is assured .

5. It’s not your fault

It’s easy to blame yourself when the relationship has not ended well because nobody likes to look like the guilty party , and at the moment of leaving the relationship, both members take out all the dirty laundry at once, as anger and resentment often appear. You may be partly to blame for the break-up, but not entirely. So don’t feel guilty and instead of using the time to blame yourself, use it to change what you need from your life so that you can grow.

6. Don’t compare yourself

And if it is not good to blame yourself, neither is it good to compare yourself with your partner or with his or her new boyfriend or girlfriend . As I mentioned, your ex may be with someone else because she doesn’t know how to be alone. It is also not good to compare yourself to the other person because you have talents, abilities and a way of being different, and that doesn’t mean you are worse. Accept yourself as you are, try to grow every day, and someone else will come along to fit you in.

7. Avoid places you might cross

When you end a relationship, it is necessary to avoid those places where you can cross paths with your partner , since the lack of love is not linear, that is, there are ups and downs. If you go through a week in which you feel better, seeing your ex again with someone else can make you feel the same or worse than a month ago. So get on with your life and don’t lose focus.

8. Avoid looking for him

And avoiding those places where you can cross paths with your partner also includes looking for him, for example, on social networks. In the lack of love, what counts is the all or nothing, since when we fall in love our brain suffers a cascade of neurochemicals similar to what happens in the brain of a drug addict. In the lack of love, we can become obsessed and depressed with great ease, because the levels of serotonin drop.

9. Focus on yourself

In addition, all or nothing means that we can rebuild our lives and focus on ourselves without having to be thinking about the other person continuously. At first it may be difficult, but with time our brain regains stability and therefore it is easier to focus on our personal development, which is key to overcoming any break-up .

10. Seek psychological support if necessary

Sometimes, but, suffering from lack of love and seeing that our partner is with another can affect different areas of our life and for a very long period of time. In these cases, it is necessary to go to psychological therapy to learn new relationship skills, change some negative beliefs that may be affecting our lives and increase our self-esteem. The psychologist can help you overcome this difficult stage of your life.

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