My girlfriend left me, what can I do to feel good again? My boyfriend has ended our relationship, how can I get over it? These are typical concerns when dealing with one-sided break-ups, and it is relatively normal for many people to become obsessed with this kind of problem for a while. The end of the romance is often painful, and if it has occurred through a unilateral decision, it is usually more so.

However, no time of sadness and emotional crisis needs to last indefinitely , and no matter how bad we are, there is a lot we can do to feel better and get through this hard blow. Someone else may have decided to end up with something shared, but all the legitimacy to change for the better and feel good about our psychological well-being lies with ourselves.

Tips to follow if your boyfriend or girlfriend has left you

It is true that there are no great natural laws about love that are fulfilled in 100% of the cases, but the most frequent is that unilateral breakups are very painful . In these cases, we must try not to get stuck in that stage of crisis, so that the sadness does not always remain there preventing us from living life normally.
Below you will find some useful advice if your girlfriend has left you and you are feeling very unhappy.

1. Set aside time to assimilate

There are people who believe that they will get over the break-up better if they make it look like it didn’t happen, which leads them to try to do exactly the same thing they have always done, as if they have not been affected by what happened . This is a mistake. If you live with the obsession of my girlfriend having left me, my boyfriend won’t come back, or similar, it doesn’t make sense to impose such an artificial facade on yourself.

Therefore, it is necessary to dedicate at least a few minutes a day to face the break-up and accept its existence. Yes, this is a painful thing, and it is very possible that you will go through moments of crying. However, at least in the early stages of the process of overcoming the breakup, it is good to be exposed to this.

2. Understand that you are looking for a long-term goal

Getting out of your comfort zone is essential, and this means accepting that you will have to go through uncomfortable moments for a greater good: to return to normal in the coming weeks and months, and not allow your discomfort and sadness to become chronic.

On the other hand, to understand that what you do in the present must enter into the logic of that process of improvement in the medium or long term means that the mental health of oneself comes first , and that is why the relationship with the ex-partner must be subordinated to what in each case we think is most useful for us. There should be no feelings of guilt for wanting to have no contact with him or her.

3. Examine your guilt beliefs

When someone leaves their partner, it is very common for them to start having feelings of guilt, even if they appear to be based on totally irrational beliefs. This causes intrusive thoughts to appear referring to those situations that according to oneself have caused the boyfriend or girlfriend to end the relationship.

It’s true that possibly much of what has led the other person to break up with us has to do with things we’ve done, but there are two things to keep in mind.

First of all, not everything that leads to a break-up and has been the product of our actions is something to be ashamed of or to ask for forgiveness. For example, incompatibilities in terms of priorities or personality cannot be the fault of either party. There is no one type of person we should resemble in order to maintain the good health of the relationship.

Secondly, even what may be considered morally wrong and has made the former partner sad or angry, can serve as a lesson for future improvement . One has no power over the past, but one has power over the present and the future. Making that experience a learning experience is the best way to progress and to ensure that self-esteem does not suffer indefinitely because of what happened.

4. Look for irrational beliefs

With events as important as the breakup, it is very easy for various totally irrational ideas about who we are and what we have done to slip into our belief system without us realizing it. Usually these ideas are very pessimistic or have a bias that leads us to focus all our attention on what we perceive as weaknesses in ourselves.
Therefore, it is necessary to reflect and gradually uncover these unfounded beliefs .

5. Don’t be afraid to go to therapy

In some cases, the effort of one’s self is not enough to assimilate the break-up and to live again without being permanently installed in sadness. In this case, what you can do for yourself is to reject the idea that if you go to psychotherapy for the psychological support it can provide, that will be a symptom of weakness. It’s entirely understandable that if someone you love leaves you, you’ll have difficulty getting back on your feet; after all, it’s a grieving process.