Nacho Coller is one of the most interesting voices in Spain in the dissemination of Psychology .

His easy-going style of explaining his experiences and opinions regarding his life and profession as a psychologist has led him, in addition to clinical and sports psychology, to collaborate with numerous media outlets, both in the press and on the radio, as well as to develop a facet of a lecturer and trainer. He currently collaborates weekly in the psychology section of the programme À Punt Directe on the Valencian television channel À Punt , with Carolina Ferre .

Recently, Coller has published the book A tortoise, a hare and a mosquito , in which he talks about different aspects of the philosophy of life necessary for us to be mere spectators of our lives. It shows basic principles of psychology explained through a format, sometimes autobiographical and sometimes imagined, full of sense of humor and timely reflections.

We interviewed Nacho Coller, psychologist and disseminator

In this interview, Nacho Coller talks about different aspects related to mental health, explaining also how his first-person experience of depression was.

Psychology and Mind: Your book is characterized, among other things, by a very personal sense of humor. Do you think that among psychologists this treatment is missing more than you in their way of spreading beyond therapy?

Nacho Coller: I think so. One of the things that most reinforces the figure of the psychologist and that the staff most appreciates is the authenticity, the coherence and showing a certain vulnerability, that is, showing us humans. I think that the fact of disseminating psychology with an accessible and fresh language without losing sight of rigour, standardises psychology and brings it closer to the general public. We have to bet on a psychology that is within everyone’s reach.

In the book you explain several keys to turn the page and stop obsessing about the problems of the past. For example, learning to live without resentment or assuming that no one is perfect. Of all of them, which would you say is the most important?

I’ll take two. To assume that reaching perfection is a deception that leads to frustration and living under the umbrella of anxiety; and to know how to turn the page and cut off those situations or people that make us uneasy. Of the latter, the word forgiveness has a determining role, both in forgiving ourselves and in learning to forgive others. Without sincere forgiveness there is no satisfaction in life.

You also talk about resilience, our ability to overcome adversity. Do you think this is a skill that usually appears spontaneously and almost unnoticed in many people, or is it necessary to have made a conscious learning about how to manage one’s emotions?

I believe that there are many people who do not need to consciously work on managing their emotions. For example, without going any further, the number of people who fight for their survival and who are capable of crossing a sea full of dangers and a thousand borders, who live or have lived with death, with pain, with rape and with the worst of the human species, and yet are capable of keeping a smile on their face, of showing generosity by helping the one they have by their side; they are capable of living.

I don’t think any of these people have done a conscious job or signed up for a course in emotion management, they have just kept fighting, fighting for a dream, running away from hell, betting on living a little better life and getting on and facing the vicissitudes of life has made them get the best out of themselves. I would bet on the motto, more life and less mind and obviously more life with a meaning.

Have you ever told us that you suffered from depression. How does a psychologist who has gone through such a delicate stage of his life feel?

Well, I went through different stages. The first one, in which the first symptoms began due to an excess of stress that broke into a championship insomnia (I slept two, three or four hours every day), of disbelief with a “it can’t be what is happening to me, this is temporary”. I thought I would control my depression, that’s what I was a psychologist for. What a mistake.

The second stage was one of silence with a hint of shame and a lot of guilt (what will they think of me? What a professional you are! You are a failure!).

Sadness, insecurity, an underground self-esteem, some problems at work, crying in silence (some men are that stupid), blockages and irritability among other negative symptoms, led me to ask for professional help. In the third stage of this process, at the end of the depression, I accepted that I was not superman, I took medication, I transferred my discomfort to the people around me, my friends and my family, I got going and got hooked on life again.

I had a terrible time at that time, but I tell you one thing, one of the best things that has happened to me in my professional and personal life (in my case the two are very close) came after that depression. The day I published an article in which I narrated my experience I think I closed a stage and some pending account with myself. You know what? When you show your vulnerability you become stronger, and I think I’m a better person today than I was before.

In the problems related to the symptoms of depression, do you think that the person suffering from it is still blamed a lot, as if he or she was not trying hard enough to overcome it?

That’s right, this is a classic in many relatives or friends of people who are with a depression and our obligation as professionals of psychology is to disclose just the opposite, which is not that he does not want to or does not make an effort, it is that he cannot. The culture of effort is fine for the world of business and life, but I like the culture of gratification and reinforcement better.

Problems such as depression are usually talked about in a way that it seems that what is wrong is isolated within the person, as if the context in which he or she lives does not matter. What aspects of our society do you think have the most power to promote the appearance of depressive symptoms?

But if context is so important. Not having a decent salary, not being able to make ends meet, living in a work environment where the boss or colleagues make life impossible for you, the accelerated pace of life we lead, the excessive pressure from certain neoliberal circles in which they sell individualism as a formula for happiness, the denial of suffering and the hundreds of slogans of everything at a hundred that you have to be happy at any price and if you don’t get it you are a failure.

By the way, there is another factor that favors depressive symptomatology; listening to electrolatino or reggaeton, this is not good for mental health. Their music dries out my meninges and their lyrics are embarrassing to others…

What is your opinion of antidepressant drugs and their effectiveness in treating depression?

I have never liked to get into the dynamics of drugs yes or no, nor have I liked to fall into the demonization of antidepressants. My opinion coincides with what the WHO indicates; when faced with mild depression, practice sport and put yourself in the hands of a professional psychologist, no more and no less. For mild-moderate depression with no functional impact, psychology; and when depression is moderate-severe with functional impact, combination of drugs and therapy. Regarding the model of therapy to use I recommend the Acceptance and Commitment Therapy ACT, it has excellent results.

In your book, you also talk about the “colorful people”. Do you think that most of us are able to recognize them, or do we tend to act as if they are not and even reward their negative attitudes?

Well, I think we do recognize them to a great extent, what happens is that living with them is very complicated and can fuck up your life. Think about your workplace, the fact that you have a colleague, or several like that, or a boss; they can burn you out or annihilate you emotionally and psychologically.

The tiñosos are petty people, who live with the complaint, negative, spiteful, who have a gray and hollow life, who always go with the loaded shotgun waiting for the failure of others, who love to speak ill of others behind their backs, who have as a motto I’m wrong if you’re right, and I’m right if you’re wrong, these guys or guys are a time bomb that is good to detect in time and learn to take distance from them. And it is not easy to escape from them.

You’re right in your question because on many occasions, especially in the beginning of a relationship, we laugh at the tiñoso, whether it’s out of social courtesy, because we’re caught off guard or because we all have a little tiñosillo.

Using positive humor is a good tool for getting stuck as little as possible, and if you can put your feet up and take your distance, better than better.

Finally, and putting the focus on Spanish society, what idea do you think is worth claiming regarding our way of managing our own emotions?

Accepting one’s own imperfections and those of others, betting on positive humour and being generous with those around you, rewarding and recognising the advances of the people you love, showing gratitude, being kind and condescending to oneself and others, accepting that we are not supernatural and that suffering is part of life and finally living life with passion and intensity; that life is very cool and full of fantastic people even if sometimes it costs us real whores.