Don’t lose your temper!

Popularly, there is the conviction that “nerves” are like little devils that when they feed too much make our life a living hell. In fact, in the popular language the message is transmitted of “not losing your nerves”, which comes to mean “calm, don’t get upset”. This advice would be very wise if it were not for the fatal interpretation given to it.

Actually, if we were to take “not losing our temper” just as it really means, and not as a dreadful interpretation of what will happen if we lose it (if we are not calm), there would be far fewer anxiety problems and of course, that even more popular goal of “being happy” would be closer .

What are nerves?

Beyond philosophical or linguistic analysis, it is important that we have a clear idea of what those “nerves” are that are spoken of so often, and above all of how the nerves influence our daily functioning . Therefore, we will treat them under the term activation .

Firstly, we must attack this negative connotation . These nerves refer to the level of mental, physiological and emotional activation, which is translated into specific behaviours that act trying to moderate that level, always depending on the specific task.

In clinical psychology, this concept has a lot to do with anxiety, stress or fear. A basic characteristic of anxiety is the high activation, both physiological and emotional that the person experiences . Thus, we see how the three terms (anxiety, stress or fear) are no more than different representations of high activation.

Types of nerves

This is an important point. It is not the same for us to discuss with our partner the nerves we feel when doing an exam, nor to respond to a scare as to run away from a rabid dog. That is why we say that it is the task that determines what kind of activation and what level of activation we have to have. In reference to the types of activation, we must know that our “nerves” act on the basis of two mechanisms.

  • One , which is activated in relation to positive emotions and behaviours we like (such as the excitement we feel when we go to score a goal, or when we try to achieve a professional goal).
  • One of defence or avoidance , related to the threats or those situations that displease us (examples would be the behaviours of fleeing or surviving a threat; running away from a danger, fighting against a threat…).

Is it good to be too active?

Of course, can be . This activation, as we mentioned, is always useful or necessary depending on the task. To return to the examples above, is a much more useful activation if we need to escape from a threat than if we are trying to pass an exam . Moreover, the very existence of such an activation is necessary in order to face daily challenges. It is not necessarily bad. Unless we decide to do it ourselves.

In the same way, as regards that positive activation, there will also be a differential need for it when it comes to improving the time we take to run a kilometre, than to receive a kiss (remember that positive activation does not only imply positive emotions, but also behaviours that help us or bring us closer to that source of activation, as in the case of a goal).

Reinterpreting Anxiety for Better Living

What’s the real problem? That is, why do you keep giving the message not to lose your temper, not to have a high activation? It is obvious that there are certain situations in which a high activation is not useful, but what if it is? There is no need to fear the body’s adrenaline rush, much less the consequences; no one has yet become a green muscle monster.

At a clinical level, here is an important problem: the subjective evaluation we make of our activation and the consequences it will have . It has been shown that the most disabling component of anxiety is not the physiological or physical one, but the mental one.

Relax. There are techniques to regulate this activation, called, worth the redundancy, deactivation techniques, among which are muscle relaxation, meditation or relaxation in imagination. And they can be used when this activation becomes unnecessary.

But before we get to that, let’s relativize . It’s OK to lose your nerves, especially if they are positive nerves. Let’s give that positive excitement a chance. Let’s give our body a chance to express itself too. Maybe it wants to tell us something.