How many mistakes we would avoid in relationships if we knew the difference between love and fear of being alone! While it is true that falling in love has a very powerful emotional impact, the effects of the need to be in a relationship can be more lasting. In some cases, it can even be a source of anguish that lasts for decades or almost a lifetime if something is not done about it.
Why do some people not know how to be single and are constantly looking for a relationship? What can be done to get out of this situation? Let’s look at it.
People who don’t know how to be single: why do they do it?
There are different reasons why people do not know how to live their single life naturally or without causing harm to others. These are several of them.
1. The myth of the better half
Romantic love is based on a series of distorted ideas about how relationships are and should be, and one of these misguided beliefs has to do with the myth of the better half.
According to this conception of love, we are incomplete people until the moment we find someone who complements us. Hence, singlehood is seen as a waste of time and resources, the confirmation of a failure, since it is a stage in which for some reason we are failing at the time of finding the couple that will complete us and make us happy .
From this mental scheme, moreover, it is very easy to think in terms of “either black or white” and attribute all the ills that happen to us to the fact of not having a partner. If happiness does not appear while in a relationship, this is interpreted as a sign that one is not well off with that person, which leads to the break-up and immediate search for another relationship.
2. The need to go through “serial monogamy” so as not to feel bad
Believe it or not, sexuality outside marriage is still very much stigmatized today even in the most advanced and democratic countries. The fear of being frowned upon by others causes some people to talk about love when in fact they mean sex, so that singleness is associated with having a zero sex life.
People who do not know how to be single for this reason, because in reality they do not have the means to live their sexuality fully and honestly , and although this may lead them to give false hope to other people, they experience a repression that also causes them discomfort.
3. They are victims of the rebound effect on love
There is a type of relationship that is known as a rebound relationship, which is actually an emotional cover for the void left by an ex. In other words, there are people who do not know how to be alone because they are trying to find a way to experience again what they felt when they were with a certain person.
In these cases, the new relationships that begin are usually short-lived because of the problems that arise in them; in the end, another person is being used as “support for the imagination” in an experience that has more to do with simulating an experience than with living the real affection that someone is expressing.
4. Social pressure and the search for reputation
It should not be forgotten that the reason why a person does not get along with being single does not have to be fundamentally in the person themselves; the social context has a great influence.
Nowadays, especially in social circles where very young people predominate (adolescents and post adolescents), not having a partner for a long time can be a reason for teasing . Something that, regardless of whether or not we care what people think of us, has consequences for the life of the person who is in this danger: being treated worse, having less social support, etc. However, the opposite can also happen, seeking fame by showing off the number of lovers you have (something more typical of men, since women can be stigmatized for this).
As a reaction to the possibility of being alone in love and in almost any social environment, many young people jump at the chance to get a partner without paying much attention to whether they really feel something intense about the lover.
5. The quest for power
We must not forget that some people only seek to have relationships as a pretext to be in a situation where they can easily dominate someone , manipulating them and having intimacy. To do this, they look for people who are prone to let themselves be dominated if certain conditions are met and start a relationship based on manipulation and psychological or physical abuse.
Anuptophobia, leading to mental disorder
In most cases, people who do not know how to be single are able to bring some order to their lives and are not constantly obsessed with that problem. However, there are very extreme cases in which the fear of being single becomes a form of phobia. This phenomenon is known as anuptophobia.
In these cases, the person feels a sense of loss of control that leads to moments of crisis caused by the recurrent thought of not having a partner or of becoming a partner. It is necessary to go through a therapeutic program that allows a return to normality by making these kinds of recurrent fears and thoughts appear less and less frequently.