In a previous article, we talked about the importance of expanding our sexual repertoire by leaving aside the coitocentrism (focusing sexual relations almost exclusively on penetration) that prevails in our culture.
Today we propose a technique that is used in sex therapy in order to reduce tension in the couple when problems appear. This strategy is a variant of the one developed by Masters and Johnson already in the sixties and seventies which they called “Sensory Focusing”.
However, it is not necessary to suffer from a sexual problem in the couple’s environment to enjoy a session of mutual caress, so the Pleasure Play becomes a fun and enjoyable exercise that helps to connect with the couple.
In the same way that Masters and Johnson established several levels within this technique, we will also diversify it into three steps, Placereado 1, 2 and 3.
How to do the Placereado 1 in pairs?
1. It is preferable to plan the day when we will do the exercise , although it can also work in these cases to improvise. Although there is no minimum number of times to do it, the more we do it the more we will see its benefits.
2. We will look for a suitable place that meets certain preferences such as: privacy, appropriate temperature, comfort (the bed is ideal for exercise), or environmental preferences (relaxing music, soft light, candles, etc.). It is important to turn off the phone or put it in silent mode to avoid interruptions.
3. It is also essential to have a good attitude, to be motivated , not to be too tired or in full digestion.
4. We begin the exercise . One of the partners lies naked on his stomach with his eyes closed. The other, also naked, in a comfortable position starts to caress his partner gently from head to toe without forgetting any body part. This is not a massage but a way of transmitting our emotion through our hands, so the stimulation should be relaxed and pleasant.
5. When the one who is caressing reaches the feet , the one who is lying down turns around and repeats the exercise in front of him as before, except for the genitals and breasts, as we are in the Placereado 1.
6. After this, they open their eyes, the one who was lying down gets up and they spend a few minutes commenting on how they have felt, the quality of the caresses, the affections, etc. Then, the roles are changed, the one who has received the caresses now performs them and vice versa, and the exercise is repeated as described in the previous points.
7. At the end of the exercise, the couple decides what to do next, whether to start a sexual relationship or not , as there is no previous premise of ending up aroused or having sex when it ends. The aim of this strategy is therefore not to “force” anything other than giving and receiving pleasant caresses. We can use this experience to learn how to ask, how to say yes or no, according to each person’s wishes, and to accept refusals without becoming angry, or living them as rejection.
What can we achieve by doing a Placereado 1?
- This technique helps us to de-genitalise our sexual relations , that is, to use other parts of our body for a pleasant purpose, something that will undoubtedly increase our erotic sensitivity throughout our skin. Let’s not forget that the current culture instills in us to focus the sexual relationship almost exclusively on genital stimulation and this exercise facilitates adding elements making sex more fun.
- With this exercise we manage to give and receive pleasure without feeling guilt and without the need for counterbalance as the stimulation will be reciprocal. In this way, we fight this macho role about the active role that men should play in terms of taking the initiative and responsibility of the relationship and the supposed passive role of women. Enjoying both roles, passive and active, enriches the relationship.
- It also helps us to keep our minds in an “erotic mode” . If during the exercise we manage to keep our attention on the caresses and sensations that this produces, we will manage to train our mind to be in the present and to avoid unproductive thoughts, norms or beliefs that do not facilitate relaxation, something that is very common when sexual dysfunctions appear. (A selection of erotic phrases, here).
- It is a technique of choice in the face of certain sexual problems, since it allows working on basic objectives such as the deconditioning of anxiety associated with the characteristic sexual relationship in these problems.
In short, a different exercise that allows us to relax and connect with our partner. In the next article we will deal with the variants offered by Placereado 2 and 3 and their practical applications.
- Masters, W, H. and Johnson, V.E. (1996). Human sexual response. Buenos Aires. Inter-medical.