Unfortunately, abuse is a phenomenon that can occur in interpersonal relationships, whether it is with a partner, a family member, or among schoolmates (bullying) or at work (mobbing).

A very common form, and one that is less visible than physical abuse, is emotional abuse. In this article we will review the characteristics of a psychological abuser .

Psychological abuse causes serious mental problems for the victim

Because psychological abuse can be silent at times, however, it is devastating for the person who suffers it .Low self-esteem can be both a cause and a consequence of this phenomenon, but, in addition, the person who is a victim of emotional abuse usually suffers serious problems, such as stress, anxiety, depression and even addiction to psychoactive substances.

But, how are the abusers? What are their characteristics? Below you can find a list of the most common traits or habits of the abuser.

1. Are intolerant

Intolerant people do not respect the opinions, attitudes or behaviour of others. They are people full of prejudice. This causes them to react in an aggressive, resentful and uneducated manner , as they consider that there is no reason to prevent their own will from prevailing. They tend to be sexist.

  • If you want to know the characteristics of intolerant individuals, just visit our article: “Intolerant people share these 12 defects”

2. They are charming at first

But these people are not intolerant at first, but are charming in the initial stages of the relationship . They know how to behave, and their true “I” may take some time to appear. As trust with the other person increases, they then show the destructive behavior.

3. Are authoritarian

Abusers are authoritarian because they are characterized by anti-democratic and intransigent features . They are lovers of order, but from a subjective point of view, that is, based on their personal criteria. It doesn’t matter if they are right or wrong, because if you don’t obey them, they will be angry.

4. Are psychologically rigid

These individuals have a rigid thought and pursue a single truth, their own . They are not people who dialogue and seek consensus, but are afraid to give in to the opinions of others, because they consider that only they are right. Anything that does not fit with their thinking is wrong, and so they guarantee that the only truth that exists is their own.

On the other hand, these people tend to think in relatively rigid and watertight categories, which makes it easy for them to pack little with others, even when there is reason to do so.

5. Present dichotomous thinking

Being psychologically rigid people, for them everything is either right or wrong . There is no middle ground. In other words, either everything is white or everything is black. This is because abusers have usually grown up in families that have treated them this way.

6. They are blackmailers

This type of person always behaves in accordance with his interests and blames, makes the victim of blackmail uncomfortable and causes him fear . They often make the victim feel guilty for things he has not even done or things he has done but which are not necessarily wrong.

7. They don’t do self-criticism

Since they are psychologically rigid and believe there is only one truth, they don’t know how to take criticism. This happens because any criticism is perceived as an attraction to their identity and their way of interpreting reality, they do not consider the possibility that it can be a constructive contribution.

The victims of his abuse pay for his lack of social skills and his sense of failure by becoming his scapegoat. Moreover, of course, psychological abusers do not engage in self-criticism , or at least not systematically and unless they encounter an experience that forces them to make a radical change in their way of seeing things.

8. Instead, they criticize

Although these people do not criticize themselves, they do criticize others very easily . They look for the defects of the other person and beat them emotionally with their weakness, and even invent a weakness to make the victim feel bad. This is not constructive criticism, but an action aimed at making someone feel bad in order to enjoy their reaction or to subdue it.

9. They change their mood in seconds

Mood swings are frequent in this type of person , which go from a pleasant state to anger or rage in a matter of seconds. Therefore, they can live at two extremes, from being charming to being horrible people.

10. Are easily offended

These mood changes are often due to their hypersensitivity and because they are often easily offended . It has already been said that if something does not fit with their truth, then it is wrong.

11. Disconnect the victim

The victim’s isolation from family and friends is one of the goals by which the abuser forces the victim into total submission. His idea is that the victim feels threatened and is afraid to talk to other people .

12. They are cruel and insensitive

These people not only mistreat their partners psychologically, but often spread this type of behavior, for example, with their children and may even instill physical harm in pets . They are cruel and insensitive people.

13. No regrets

These are people who do not regret what they do , and as explained in the previous point they usually have this type of behaviour with other people. That is why, among other things, this is a psychological profile that should be kept away, since there is not even the possibility of them thinking too much.

14. They make false promises

Although they may appear to be repentant at times, these individuals tend to make false promises . They are experts at asking for forgiveness but, in reality, they are not sorry. Their willingness to change is worthless, because at the very least they act the same.

15. They are controlling

They are people who have the need to feel superior and to control others . Although they are insecure people and are afraid of being exposed, control becomes their ally. This is the way to keep everything tied up, so that nothing gets out of hand.

16. They have no emotional control

Despite wanting to control others, they have no emotional control . In fact, many are totally emotionally illiterate. That is why they behave impulsively, without reflecting on their inner life.

17. They don’t stop

As they do not have a great capacity for reflection, they are people who do not stop for anything , for them the end justifies the means. They are people who can even act stealthily in public places, turning the victim’s life into a real ordeal.

18. They are seductive

Being charming people at first they usually conquer their victim . In fact, they are people who seduce easily and who possess a great capacity for seduction.

19. They are liars

Obviously, manipulative people are not honest people . This makes them expert liars, who tell one lie after another. In fact, they rarely tell the truth, because they are always ready to hurt the other person.

20. They play the victim

As they are always blaming the other person, they usually adopt the role of the victim to justify their actions . For example, by saying phrases like “you don’t love me, because you are always more concerned about your friends”. The actions of psychological harm are continuous, but they don’t necessarily have to be direct. Some are masked by false victimhood.

21. Low empathy

Abusers are not empathic . What does this mean? It means that they don’t recognize the emotions of others and don’t connect with them. This allows them to make the victim suffer without having any kind of resentment.