The unfaithful person, besides being usually represented in art forms that rely on drama (he is one of the favorite characters in the annals of literature, film, television and all the arts where the heart can mourn its sorrows), exists far beyond fiction and is not limited to a few isolated cases.

At present, and despite the fact that monogamy is the predominant model in a large part of the planet, infidelity is at the centre of Western families, as more and more couples or marriages are affected and enter into crisis because of this phenomenon.

However, when we talk about unfaithful people we mean individuals who tend to commit infidelities systematically, not as an exception but as a rule. Next we will see the patterns of behaviour and the psychological profile of the unfaithful person , in addition to some clearly external factors that affect the environment towards the individual.

What is the psychological profile of the unfaithful person?

As we have seen, the unfaithful person is an individual accustomed to having relationships that break the basic rules on which the couple is based. Now… what is it that makes their relationships so unstable and with such diffuse boundaries? At the heart of this question is the way in which the unfaithful person manages the attachment to others .

A study conducted by the University of Florida, determined that the unfaithful person has the tendency to develop a form of attachment called “insecure attachment”. This theory ensures that the primary relationships established with parents and caregivers during childhood and the early years of life have a decisive influence on the relationships established in adult life. It seems that all its manifestations are related to the profile of the unfaithful person.

According to John Bowlby’s (1907-1990) attachment theory, those who have developed insecure attachments usually exhibit the following characteristics in adulthood, depending on the type of affection and primary relationship under which they have developed their attachment. We find three types of unfaithful people:

1. Anxious attachment

Adults who exhibit this type of attachment are more sensitive to rejection and anxiety, have poor impulse control, and are constantly dissatisfied. They also fear being rejected by their partner, and for this reason they constantly and impulsively engage in relationships, seeking approval.

Some research in psychology points out that unfaithful people are usually also the most jealous ones , a matter that basically reveals a great inferiority complex and a weak self-esteem that needs to be reaffirmed by pleasing other people and in a very frequent way. Curious, isn’t it?

2. Avoidant attachment

This type of individual has learned to give less importance to their emotional expressions. In other words, are people who show more coldness and will tend to remain more distant, so their relationships will be less deep, or less emotionally charged. They constantly present elusive behaviours, high levels of hostility and aggressiveness, and for them being unfaithful will not have the same emotional weight as for ordinary people. In short, there will be high rates of negative interactions with the partner.

3. Disorganized attachment

These people do not enter into a relationship with sufficient security and conviction, and they tend to display unpredictable and poorly organized behavior . If necessary, they do not show much understanding, and it will be extremely difficult for them to be understood by their counterpart. The characteristics of this type of personality in terms of their affective relationship will contribute to their having little continuity.

What other factors lead to infidelity

As we have previously mentioned, the psychological profile of the unfaithful person is highly complex, and there is no single definition or cause that classifies or identifies them as such. Apart from the three major labels of Bowlby, there are many other factors that reveal the psychological profile of the infidel , which we will detail below:

1. The risk

Those who tend to make risky decisions or show a more pronounced sense of adventure , are more likely to be unfaithful compared to people who are more fearful. It is very likely that there is a genetic component involved in risky behaviors, since the mere fact of being unfaithful includes a component of high probability of failure.

2. Power

It is one of the most influential and definitive characteristics. People in a position of power are extremely likely to be unfaithful . Power increases one’s confidence and self-esteem, which leads individuals to act more assertively and extraverted. Those in power are more likely to make direct eye contact, stand in confident poses (body language), and show themselves as potential lovers.

3. Sexual desire

Sexual desire varies from person to person. Levels of libido have a genetic component that is difficult to control. Some individuals have a high interest in sex while others project less interest in the subject. Being a purely physical component, some people are inherently easier to be driven by their sexual desire.

In this particular case, men tend to have a higher sex drive , which leads them to lead the way in purely sexual and non-affective infidelity.

4. Psychopathy

Society has taught us to see love and romance as a sacred and eternal bond between two individuals. Other people see love as a game in which the goal is to manipulate the other person and gain power over the partner through emotional blackmail, something very typical of individuals with a high degree of psychopathy. People who see love as a game are much more likely to have multiple love interests; cheating and lying is just another way to gain control of the spouse.

5. The economic level

A person’s attractiveness greatly influences the likelihood that he or she will be unfaithful. Attraction is manifested in different ways. It is influenced by physical appearance (it is the first thing the eyes see), social skills (charisma, gift of speech) and tangible resources such as money. The closer we are to what is in demand, the more likely we are to be unfaithful.

Those people who have better education, higher income and successful careers are more likely to develop an unfaithful profile than individuals with less purchasing power or access to education, partly because they are more exposed to the type of people who have more characteristics considered attractive on the surface.

Is there a possible solution?

We have two approaches to the conflict . Firstly, the solution can be focused on the individual with the psychological profile of an unfaithful person who cannot have a stable relationship and wishes to do so; it can also be focused on the couple, if the pillar of the problem has more to do with external factors that influence one or the other to be unfaithful.

On the other hand, when the problem is focused more on a reality of both, there must be a predisposition on the part of the couple to solve such a serious situation, as long as both have a sincere desire to continue with the relationship . In some cases reciprocal infidelities occur at those moments when both parties want to end the relationship.

In both cases, the participation of an appropriate professional is necessary. You should always seek the help of an expert relationship counsellor, as dealing with this type of problem on your own can be extremely difficult. The introduction of an external and more objective third opinion will help to make the conversation more constructive.

It should also be borne in mind that couples therapy will not always offer a solution , let alone an instant solution. The will of the person or persons affected is elementary if a satisfactory solution is to be found.