In our daily lives it is common to talk about reverse psychology . We understand that it is about getting a person to do something by telling them to do the opposite. However, we know that not all expressions in everyday language mean something in psychological terms.

Is there such a thing as reverse psychology? Is it a myth or a form of real influence? How useful is it? We then examine what is the psychological interpretation of this phenomenon and test its persuasive power.

What is reverse psychology?

Reverse psychology is a strategic form of social influence . It is a technique of indirect influence that consists of appearing to have a position opposite to the one we really have in order to provoke a reaction in the other that favours us. Let us illustrate it in the following way:

Imagine going out to dinner with your partner and you have to decide where. There are two options: restaurant A (a Japanese) and restaurant B (a Mexican). Today you have an appetite for Japanese and you want to convince your partner to go to this one. If you know that your partner is a person who usually tends to accept your proposals, the most suitable strategy will be a direct approach. All you have to do is communicate your preferences and make a point of it. Since he is a person who usually agrees, you will most likely go to the Japanese one.

However, if you anticipate that your partner is a person who tends to be combative, discuss the decisions you make, and find it difficult to come to terms with that person, communicating your preferences directly may backfire. Instead, it may be a better option to say that you prefer to go to restaurant B and give some weak arguments about it, so that your partner throws them at you and you agree to go to restaurant A, your real preference.

We can highlight two main uses of reverse psychology . The first has to do with persuasion, and is as described in the previous example. The aim of this technique is nothing more than to guide the other towards the decision that we secretly want most. The second use has to do with the search for validation.

Typically, when we want someone else to give us their approval about something we’ve done because we feel unsafe, we attack ourselves out loud with verbalizations like “this dish looks terrible”. This generates in the other a need to deconfirm this information and appease our insecurity.

Mechanisms of reverse psychology

Reverse psychology is a persuasive technique that works through psychological reactance . Reactance is defined as a reaction that aims to restore freedom or control over a situation when an attack on it is perceived. In this phenomenon, four steps occur: the person perceives that he or she has freedom, perceives an attack against him or her, the reactance occurs, and subsequently the sensation of control and freedom is restored.

Returning to the case of the restaurant, when our partner perceives that we are trying to persuade her and sees her free will threatened, she reacts by opposing us in order to take control again. In this way, when we anticipate that the psychological reaction will occur, we can plan the direction in which we want the other person to make the decision . This is why we say that reverse psychology is a technique of indirect persuasion.

Practical applications

The situations in which it is possible to use reverse psychology to advantage are numerous. Since it is a form of influence, it can only be used in a social context. For example, it is common to find dynamics involving reverse psychology in family environments. Families with adolescent children often use this form of influence to introduce intentions into their children that they had not previously contemplated .

Reverse psychology even has therapeutic purposes. A variation of this principle is a technique called “paradoxical intention”.

In this therapeutic technique, the psychologist prescribes or tells the patient the symptom he or she is suffering from. For example, in insomnia it is frequent to carry out this paradoxical intention by indicating to the client that he should not sleep. This fulfils various therapeutic purposes , such as breaking the blockage produced by beliefs such as “I won’t be able to sleep”, as well as generating sleepiness through sleep deprivation that will help the client fall asleep later on. Interestingly, most patients are unable to go a whole night without sleep as directed.

Negative effects of this persuasion technique

Like any form of persuasion, reverse psychology is not a foolproof technique . In order for it to work, a number of preconditions must be met that favour the occurrence. We must know beforehand that the person tends to be reactive.

More belligerent people, in need of control, used to being dominant or generally more emotional are more likely to perceive these attacks on their freedom. The object or issue on which we want to generate reactance must be relevant to the individual. There is no point in trying to generate opposition to a decision that the other person is neither willing nor able to make.

There are risks with the use of reverse psychology, such as it not working as it should. It is possible that the person, even if he or she is belligerent and cares about it, will agree with us right away. Even success in using reverse psychology has negative effects. The advantages that are obtained through influencing the other are not satisfactory because we know that we have obtained them artificially , and this affects one’s self-concept negatively.

Many of the situations in which we use this technique occur when we want to receive approval from another. In people in a worse mood, this search for validation can lead to questioning the source of validation itself , because they know that this person is not giving their opinion in an honest way, but through the provoked reaction that they themselves generate.

Finally, although this is an influencing technique that can work and be useful, it is better to use it only on rare occasions. Victories taste artificial and can generate dependency towards external validation, as well as worsen one’s self-esteem by feeling that we are not authentic. It is obvious that the optimal way to build a relationship is not through manipulation, but through honesty with the other.