I am going to tell you the story of Oedipus , but not the part that everyone knows, when the character from Greek mythology falls in love and marries his mother, but what happens before; the series of unfortunate events that lead to the extravagant outcome.

The prequel, to be in tune with the times.

Oedipus and the Fate of the Oracle of Delphi

Oedipus lived happily with his parents in Corinth. However, it seems that he had a somewhat anxious nature… Concerned about what the future held for him, he once decided to consult the Oracle of Delphi, something similar to the modern horoscope but more sophisticated, related to the divination skills of certain Greek gods.

In the face of Oedipus’ uncertainty and insecurity about his future fate, the Oracle pronounced himself tragically and forcefully: “Your destiny is to murder your father and marry your mother”. Of course, Oedipus was horrified by the idea.

How could he do such a thing? It seemed unthinkable to him, inconceivable; but the truth was that the Oracle had an impeccable reputation: He was never wrong in predicting the fate of those who consulted him. What the Oracle anticipated, he fulfilled. It was law.

Oedipus knew this perfectly, as did all the inhabitants of ancient Greece. But he refused to resign himself to his fate, and he had to do something immediately to avoid becoming involved in such an atrocity. Not knowing the reasons that could lead him to patricide and incest, but convinced that this would be the case if he did not take action, he decided to leave the house where he lived without giving any further explanation and go to another city, far from the temptations that lay ahead.

So he got on his horse and headed for Thebes .

The journey went smoothly, until one day, in a desolate spot near the entrance to the city that would welcome him and free him from his fate, as Oedipus believed, he had an altercation with an old man who was driving a carriage. They argued over who should go first, insulted each other, and before both men could realize it, they had engaged in a terrible fight that would have the worst ending: In the struggle, and blinded by anger, Oedipus ended up killing the old man and fleeing the place in fear. In matters of transit, nothing has changed since then.

Some time later, already settled in his new home, Oedipus met Yocasta, the Queen of Thebes, who had recently been widowed, and they fell in love. To simplify the story a bit and save details that are not relevant, I will say that they were engaged for a few months and then they got married.

What continues is the part of the story that everyone knows. Oedipus discovers that those he believed to be his real parents were not really his parents, since he had been adopted when he was very young. The old man he had bumped into on his way to town was none other than Laius, the king of Thebes and Oedipus’ biological father, and the woman he had married, his real mother. A disaster of Greek proportions, no more and no less .

Horrified by what he had done, and imprisoned by the most desperate, Oedipus plucked out his eyes with his own hands and condemned himself to exile, the worst of punishments at the time, and only applicable to those who committed the most aberrant crimes.

The dramatic designs of the Oracle had been fulfilled to the letter. Oedipus had finally been reached by his destiny.

The self-fulfilling prophecy that leads to failure

The reader is probably wondering why I am telling you this in an article that promises otherwise in its title. Well, I find it an interesting starting point, a nice metaphor to understand what follows.

In fact, it was the “belief” in the certainty of the oracle that caused the Oracle’s prediction to become true . When Oedipus decided to leave Thebes, instead of looking for more information about it, he set in motion the mechanisms that would take him directly to his final destination.

Beyond the obvious paradox, here it is interesting to observe the power of belief over reality.

Expectations and how we are held hostage to them

By definition, a belief is an affirmation or a premise that influences our thinking and our behaviour , without that affirmation actually being reliably demonstrated or having valid evidence to support its veracity.

Believing “something” is not synonymous with that “something” actually exists. However, the mere fact of believing it is often enough to make it a reality that can be verified later. That is why we must be careful about the influence that our expectations play in our way of thinking.In the story of Oedipus, “believing” that he was going to end his father’s life was what triggered, no more and no less, the ending of his father’s life.

The set of our beliefs, rather than our own reality, often determines the things that happen to us in life, and how we feel.This is who we are. That’s how we function.

Beliefs that create stress and anxiety

Certain beliefs often underlie vulnerability to stress. Let’s look at some typical cases.

1. Ramiro, wants to flirt by being eccentric

Ramiro believes that in order to attract and conquer a girl, he has to be eccentric, witty and sophisticated . “If I show myself as I am, nobody will like me,” he says to himself.

Under this premise, when Ramiro goes out with a girl for the first time, he puts on a character that in reality is totally alien to him. In his eagerness to please, he never stops talking about himself, highlighting his values, openly showing off his virtues and maximizing his achievements.

Let no one be surprised that Ramiro does not have a girlfriend . The women who have gone out with him describe him as unspontaneous, egomaniacal and boring.The poor guy never gets past the first date. Once again, this modern Oedipus takes the flight that leads him nonstop to perdition.

2. Silvia, feels the need to have a partner

Silvia, on the other hand, believes that it is impossible to live without love . And as long as she feels loved by her partner she is capable of anything.

He avoids conflict by any means, because he thinks that a fight can lead to the break-up of the relationship. In this context, Silvia never argues about anything with Franco, keeps her mouth shut about everything he does and bothers her; and accepts immediately, whether she agrees or not, everything he says or proposes.

Silvia believes that you have to sacrifice yourself for love, and so her relationship develops, until one day, Franco, exasperated by so much submission, passivity and lack of initiative, decides to suddenly end the relationship.

Whoever asks him, Franco has no qualms about explaining that he needs a real woman by his side , not a daughter, much less a servant.

3.Carla, you are convinced that your fiancé is unfaithful

Carla is engaged to Fernando, an important lawyer, and for some time she has had the idea that her partner is unfaithful .

Because of his profession, the man spends a lot of time outside, but beyond that, Carla really doesn’t have any proof that her boyfriend is cheating on her.

However, Carla is obsessed. She constantly checks her cell phone for any incriminating clues, calls him countless times a day just to check on him, and gets angry and often scolds him for little lapses, such as being ten minutes late when they meet to do something together, which is always significant for her and leads her to suspect that “he’s up to no good.

Scared and resentful of her boyfriend for the ideas that are germinating in her own brain, rather than for reality, Carla spends a good part of the day in a bad mood. As revenge for his improbable misdeeds, half the time she treats him with cold indifference and the other half is well disposed to argue about any trifles .

No matter how many times he tells her how much he loves her, gives her chocolates, takes her out to dinner every weekend, or gives her a full day at the spa for the bride’s day, Carla systematically neglects all these positive gestures and continues her fruitless quest to prove the veracity of her paranoid beliefs.

In this context, Fernando, of course, feels neglected, unrequited in his love for her and often mistreated. Sometimes he even jokes with his friends that he has fallen in love with a Gestapo officer.

One day, by chance, without him proposing, Fernando meets a girl who is the sister of a client. She impresses him as cordial, nice and unstructured. They like each other and before they know it, they end up having a coffee and a conversation in a bar near Tribunales, and then… Well, I leave it to the reader’s imagination what happens next.

Having reached this point, probably if the relationship with Carla had not been so deteriorated by his indefatigable mistrust, Fernando would not have been tempted or had the need to seek affection from another woman.

Carla, like the previous characters in these short fictional stories inspired by real cases from my clinical experience, has been the architect of her own destiny.

The importance of not letting ourselves be blindly guided by our beliefs

We thus establish that our beliefs and expectations affect the way we perceive ourselves and others , and can lead us down the wrong path.

To make matters worse, we are always well disposed to look for evidence to confirm our previous beliefs, and we are too lazy to look for evidence against them.We are very enthusiastic about corroborating what we think, and equally lazy about finding out why we might be wrong.

The paradox here is that, many times, trying to dismiss our own opinions is the most sensible way to know whether we are right or wrong .

I believe that it is worth periodically reviewing everything we believe in, especially if it is negative, because it could be having a powerful impact on our daily lives, without us being aware of it, and pushing us, without us realizing it, to create a reality that does not favor us.

Someone once said: “define a reality, and it will be a reality in its consequences”. That’s absolutely true. Oedipus can teach this.