It is said that Queen Victoria of England spent months continuously sobbing and mourning the death of her husband, Prince Albert . Such was the queen’s grief that the palace became her prison and she dressed in mourning for the rest of her days.

Although they were not aware of it in Victorian times, the queen suffered what is now called sentimental shock. A state of hopelessness and anguish that a person suffers after a love break-up, or after the loss of a loved one. This state consists of different phases, with a beginning and an end, and that serve the person to recover from the breakup.

What is sentimental shock?

Sentimental shock occurs after a love break-up, and is defined because the person experiences a state of blinding or psychological paralysis which may be accompanied by feelings of psychological disorientation and emptiness .

It is necessary to clarify that sentimental shock is not considered a disorder in itself, but a natural phenomenon, with a predictable course of symptoms, and with well-defined phases and stages for which there is a beginning and an end.

Despite the fact that each person experiences emotional shock in a different way , it is common for the first crisis or the first rupture to be experienced in a much more traumatic way , since the person does not yet possess the tools or mechanisms necessary to deal with the situation.

Likewise, another tendency that is repeated in most people is that the degree of strength of the sentimental shock is directly proportional to the intensity of the commitment that the relationship possessed. The longer you have been with a person and the deeper the commitment, the longer it will take to overcome the breakup.

Is it possible to overcome emotional trauma?

Usually, most people manage to overcome the effects of an emotional shock during the first year after the breakup. However, it is natural to find people who take a little longer to recover, depending on how well they function.

Emotional shock is a normal, and even healthy process, which does not become pathological unless the person tries to repress it or compensate for it through denial or excessive behaviour. such as drug use or alcohol abuse.

To successfully overcome the rupture it is necessary to face the pain and move forward with it, to experience the emotional shock, going through its different phases and understanding each of its peculiarities.

Failure to recognize and manifest emotional distress can seriously damage a person’s psychological health. It has been shown that the effects of poorly resolved emotional shock, in addition to damaging emotional health, have multiple consequences on the body.

A constant feeling of grief, depression or despondency and disappointment can weaken a person’s immune system, making them more susceptible to physical illness.

Therefore, although unpleasant and painful, sentimental shock is a sign of health and the only way to overcome a love break-up .

Symptoms

Although, as mentioned above, emotional shock cannot be considered a disorder or psychiatric illness, it does present a common symptomatology in most people who suffer it. Among the symptoms that can be found are

  • Nausea
  • Loss of appetite
  • Crying fits
  • Deep feeling of sadness or depression
  • Insomnia or trouble sleeping
  • Memory loss
  • Lack of energy
  • Need for seclusion
  • Feeling of lack of control over life
  • Promiscuity
  • Feeling of emptiness
  • Intensification of feelings
  • Feeling of anguish at the idea of being alone

As the person begins to understand the dynamics of the emotional shock experience, they progressively acquire the skills that will help them control their feelings and fears.

Likewise, the fact of knowing the different stages of the process and that these have both a beginning and an end, exerts a reassuring effect on the person .

The Six Stages of Sentimental Shock

As discussed above, the symptoms of emotional shock develop according to a pre-established pattern of six stages: shock, grief, adjudication of guilt, resignation, reconstruction and resolution .

The rate at which a person slips from one stage to another is called the affective change time, and it varies greatly from person to person. Some people experience the different stages very quickly while others experience them very slowly.

The intensity of the symptoms will decrease as the person goes through the different stages. Usually, greater distress is experienced in the stages of shock, grief and adjudication of guilt.

Finally, and before going on to explain the different stages, it is necessary to point out that, despite the existence of common guidelines, the experience of sentimental shock does not have to be linear . The person can move forward and backward in the different stages according to the coping mechanisms they have.

1. Shock

In the first stage, called shock, the person experiences an imminent feeling of psychological paralysis, accompanied by disorientation and disbelief .

In very extreme cases, the person may feel unable to perform basic actions such as eating or sleeping, and may even forget what happened during this phase.

The shock stage serves as an insulator of the impact that causes a loss or rupture, and its duration is usually between one day and one month, but it rarely extends beyond that.

2. Penalty

During this stage of grief, the person not only grieves for the loss of a person, but also for all the time they shared and all the experiences they lived through .

This grief can turn into feelings of anger and irritation. The person may feel moody or angry, due to frustration and the perception that no one is able to understand what he or she is feeling.

It is common that when the person is in this stage, he or she feels the need to communicate with the other, to maintain some kind of contact no matter how unrealistic it may be. Attempts that, as a rule, are more harmful than beneficial.

3. Adjudication of guilt

When the feeling of grief is reduced, the person feels the need to know what has happened to the relationship . Therefore there is an urgency to analyse everything that has happened in the relationship, looking for guilt in oneself and in others.

In addition, it is usual to analyze the different situations that the couple has lived to know what they would have done to avoid it, or on the contrary to analyze it to blame the other.

4. Resignation

Also known as the farewell stage , this is the moment when the person is able to accept that the other is no longer in his or her life. It is the time to accept that the relationship has ended, to separate completely from the other person and to regain energy.

This is the stage when people tend to spend the most time, since on the one hand they feel relieved to be able to overcome the breakup, however they also experience feelings of grief for having to leave the relationship completely.

5. Reconstruction

In this moment the person notices that he spends more happy moments than sad ones , manages to regain concentration and feels that his life belongs to him again.

He also feels ready to go out and meet other people and begins to focus more on his own needs than on thoughts about the past.

To complete this stage successfully you will need to rebuild your strength, develop your self-esteem and self-confidence.

6. Resolution

With the resolution, a new life cycle begins. The person has managed to resolve the conflict from the beginning of the shock and his life is set on a new course. At this moment the person has the necessary confidence to create his/her own well-being .