The triangular theory of love aims to explain the complex phenomenon of love and interpersonal love relationships. It was proposed by the psychologist Robert Sternberg, and describes the different elements that make up love, as well as the possible combinations of these elements when forming the different types of relationships.

It is considered a useful theory, since helps us to understand this very complex feeling that, besides being very important in our lives, is the basis of many of our interpersonal relationships.

Psychology and Love

Love and falling in love is a very interesting subject, as it is one of the most intense feelings we can experience. Love affects us in every way and when we meet that special person, it changes our lives completely. In fact, significantly modifies the way we perceive reality and makes us make decisions in a different way than usual, orient our relationships with others in a different way, and reorganize our priorities about what matters in life.

When we fall in love, the intense emotions and passion that surround us affect our mind and body.

Therefore, psychologists, sociologists and doctors have tried to understand and explain it from different points of view (biological, cultural, etc.). In recent decades, research in this field has been varied, seeking to understand infatuation, love, attraction or disaffection .

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  • If you want to know some conclusions of these studies, we invite you to read our post: “Love and falling in love: 7 surprising investigations”

Sternberg’s theory of love

One of the best known theories of love is Sternberg’s triangular theory. Robert Sternberg, is an American psychologist, professor at Yale University, widely recognized for his research. Not only has he been interested in love, but intelligence or creativity have also been objects of interest in his research in the field of Cognitive Psychology and emotions. In particular, his contributions in the field of the study of intelligence are well known.

However, this character is known for his theory on love and interpersonal relationships and many experts on this subject have supported his ideas.

Understanding your theory

For Sternberg, love is made up of 3 qualities that manifest themselves in any love relationship: intimacy, passion and commitment. In practice, these elements are intertwined, but knowing how to distinguish them within a theoretical framework helps us to understand the phenomenon of love and to better recognize its nuances and details. Below you can find a brief explanation about them.

  • Intimacy : Intimacy refers to the feeling of closeness, to the connection between the two people who are part of the love story, to the trust between them, to friendship and affection.
  • Passion : This component is the excitation or energy of the relationship. The feelings of physical attraction and the urge or need to be with the other person and to have intimate relationships.
  • Commitment : Refers to the decision to continue in the relationship despite the ups and downs that may arise. It includes aspects such as the moments lived, the history of the relationship, etc.

These three elements represent the corners of the pyramid of Sternberg’s theory, with intimacy at the top and commitment and passion on the sides. Depending on the combinations that occur between these components, love relationships will be different. For example, in a new relationship, passion takes precedence over intimacy and commitment.

The possible combinations or types of love

Depending on the possible combinations, S ternberg states that there are different ways of loving . These forms of love can be understood in isolation or as stages:

1. Honey

Affection refers to true friendship . There is only intimacy, but there is no passion or commitment. The members of the relationship feel close and trust each other, but there is no desire for intimacy or commitment as a couple.

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2. Infatuation

In this form of love there is a lot of passion, however, there is neither intimacy nor commitment , which makes this type of relationship superficial. It would be a kind of romance but that ends soon or the beginning of a relationship, in which there is a lot of desire for intimate relationships but not enough trust or commitment.

3. Empty love

Empty love is characterized by high commitment, without passion or intimacy . This is common in interested or long-term relationships, when there is neither trust nor intimate relationships, but there is a commitment to be together.

4. Romantic love

Romantic love is a form of love in which the members of the relationship feel attraction and excitement , and, moreover, have confidence and closeness. Romantic love has inspired thousands of novels and films; it is the love that Romeo and Juliet feel. If this stage continues with great experiences together, it could end up provoking commitment.

5. Sociable love

It usually happens in long-term relationships. There is intimacy and commitment, but not passion . It is the kind of love that can manifest itself when the couple lacks desire and excitement towards the other person, but living together, children and experiences together keep them together. This relationship can seem satisfying to the members and can last a long time.

6. Fatuous love

In fatuous love, passion and commitment predominate, but there is no intimacy . Fatuous love can occur because the members of the couple want to be together, because there is a desire and excitement to live intimate experiences, however, they do not have much in common.

7. Consummate love

This is complete love. It’s made up of the three elements of Sternberg’s pyramid theory. Consummate love is the main archetype of love, it is the ideal love and it is also called mature love .

  • Do you want to know more about mature love? Visit our article: “Mature love: why is second love better than first?”

All three elements must be worked on to achieve consummate love

Sternberg speaks of “not love” when these three elements are not present in the relationship . The same author states that couples with consummate or complete love continue to share intimate desire and passion on all levels, even after many years have passed. Nevertheless, Sternberg points out that maintaining consummate love is more complicated than achieving it, so it is necessary for couples to work on the three basic elements of his theory. After all, actions speak louder than words.

The balance between these three ingredients can change as a relationship progresses. However, time alone does not result in high intimacy, passion or commitment. Knowing these three ingredients of love can help actors recognize when they need to improve one of the elements, or it can help them make the decision to leave. Sternberg concludes that without the expression of all three components, even the most authentic love can die .

What happens in our brain when we fall in love?

Many experts on the subject say that love is a complex phenomenon, and despite the many investigations that have been carried out so far, there has not always been consensus among researchers. Falling in love, attraction and love are complex experiences in which cultural and biological factors interact.

  • But, what happens in our brain when we fall in love? We answer this question in our article “The chemistry of love: a very powerful drug”