The power of first impressions has been known for a long time in psychology.

When we come into contact with someone for the first time, especially if it is in person, the conclusions we draw from that person during the first minutes of interaction will condition the way we judge them from that moment on. All the information that reaches us about that individual after that critical stage will be regulated by the presence of those sensations that he or she awakened in us before.

However, it is still a matter of debate which are the concrete personal characteristics we look at most to decide whether someone is worthwhile or not.

Amy Cuddy has spent 15 years researching the power of first impressions to shed light on this subject and has come to the conclusion that when we meet someone, we look primarily at two characteristics. And, moreover, they are not simply an analysis of the physicist in front of us

What really matters in first impressions

As Cuddy explains in her book Presence: Bringing your Boldest Self to your Biggest Challenges, when we first come in contact with someone we ask ourselves two questions: “can I trust this person” and “can I respect this person”.

Interestingly, although first impressions may be related to superficiality and occasional interactions that do not give way to anything deeper, what we value most is the feeling of honesty and trust that someone transmits to us in a matter of seconds and minutes, that is, the first of the two questions.

The reason, according to this Harvard professor, is that from an evolutionary perspective it pays more to look at whether it will pay to trust someone. That way we are better protected from potentially life-threatening betrayals or, at best, wasting time and effort on cultivating a relationship that is not worthwhile.

Only when we have assessed the degree to which someone inspires our confidence will we consider whether we can respect her for what she does, that is, whether we find her skilled and competent in any significant area.

How do you use this in personal relationships?

The conclusions Cuddy has drawn from her research lead us to opt for simplicity in our personal relationships and when meeting people. That is, instead of obsessing about giving an image that is very close to the canons of beauty or demonstrating our degree of competence, we should first show that we are normal human beings who can be trusted , and not give an artificial or supposedly mysterious image.

Demonstrating skill only has a significant impact on the image we give if we have made other people feel safe before. If not, it can be interpreted as potential, but a potential that can be used against others and therefore makes others distance themselves from us.

So, we must show our most human side, instead of keeping our distance in order to show only those qualities of our own that we think are impressive. This means, for example, speaking frankly about ourselves, showing our own limitations to the same extent that we speak about what we are good at, and generally showing that we can be trusted without producing major disappointments.

This can also be applied in informal relationships as well as when finding work or looking for professional allies. The aim is to be transparent, to show the degree to which our help and collaboration can be expected , and to behave accordingly. If honesty is shown, the possibility of being misled or of misunderstandings is much lower, and that makes everyone win.

What do you do to give a good image?

To be specific, some aspects to value when letting our behavior speak well about us is to follow these guidelines:

1. Be communicative

Maintaining a distant attitude can mean two things: either you have nothing interesting to show or you are hiding something.

  • You are interested in: “The 10 basic communication skills”

2. Speaking out

Rambling or talking in a very formal way in a context that does not require it is a kind of communication barrier that does not express honesty.

  • You can read this article: “14 key social skills for success in life”

3. Don’t avoid talking about your own imperfections

If the conversation leads to it, one should not avoid talking about one’s own failures, past mistakes and weaknesses. This shows that you trust the other person, which makes him/her adapt his/her attitude to correspond to ours.

4. Give a realistic view of what can be offered

Rather than talking directly about what you can do to help the other person as if it were a set of personal skills that the other person can “rent”, it is better to demonstrate in the here and now a willingness to make the relationship work and comfortable to wear. In the first case, a series of theoretically advantageous characteristics are communicated unilaterally, while in the second case, the conversation is used to express the desire to listen to the other person and to his or her own needs.