Communication styles are the main ways in which we exchange information . Knowing how to recognize them and manage them properly is key to improving the quality of personal relationships.

In this article we will see how communication styles are divided into their categories: assertive, passive and aggressive . In addition, we’ll see how to adapt them to the communicative contexts we use.

Communication styles

The human mind is complex, and this is due, among other things, to the fact that communication with others allows us to learn all kinds of concepts and ideas about the environment.

Without this ability, we would not only be deserted islands from a psychological point of view, but we would not even be able to think, as we have no language. In spite of this, the fact that living in society we learn to express ourselves does not mean that we always do it well. That’s why it’s good to know about communication styles.

These communication styles depend, among other things, on the attitudes and social skills elements we use to express our ideas and emotional states or feelings .

1. Aggressive style

The elements that characterize this style of communication are verbal and non-verbal threats, as well as direct accusations and reproaches. In short, the aim of this set of initiatives is to enter into a power dynamic in which one has the mastery and the other party is minimised.

One does not try so much to communicate valuable information that one has, but rather to have a concrete effect on the other person or on those who observe the interaction, in order to gain power. In addition, the use of the ad hominem fallacy, or directly the insults, is not uncommon.

On the other hand, the use of the aggressive communication style is also characterized by paraverbal and non-verbal elements that express anger or hostility . For example, elevated tone of voice, muscle tension, etc.

2. Inhibited, or passive, style

This is a style of communication based on the inhibition of those thoughts and feelings that in normal situations could be expressed.

The ultimate purpose is to greatly limit the flow of communication, either because something is hidden because it is incriminating information, or because one fears the possibility of not pleasing others. There is also the possibility that the reason for adopting this attitude is simple disinterest, or the desire to settle a dialogue as soon as possible.

In practice, the passive communication style is typical of shy people, who are insecure in personal relationships, or of introverts, who try to communicate more with less. This means that fear need not be the trigger. There are those who understand that the “default” state is isolation and loneliness, and that any effort made to express oneself must be justified.

Moreover, if there is something important to be said but there is a fear of communicating it, it is often said behind the person’s back .
The characteristics of this style of communication include relatively little eye contact, a low tone of voice, short responses or responses with little relation to what is being said, and non-verbal language that expresses a defensive attitude or insecurity (although this last component varies more).

3. Assertive style

In the assertive style, one communicates directly what one thinks and feels, as long as one believes it has value and will not make someone excessively uncomfortable. In other words, you communicate in an honest and transparent way, but without trying to dominate the other person.

Thus, the aim is for one’s own social skills to remain in balance, taking into account both one’s own interests and those of the other person, so that the relevant information flows smoothly .

Given these characteristics, this is considered to be the most desirable style of communication for most situations.

The use of these expressive resources

Although the vast majority of people are capable of resorting to communication styles, we can distinguish between individuals according to the degree to which they tend to adopt one of them more frequently.

For example, in situations of conflict of interest, people will tend to quickly adopt an aggressive communication style, or a passive one, etc.

Furthermore, although the assertive style is generally the most appropriate, there are concrete situations in which passive or aggressive styles can make sense . For example, when recognizing a serious mistake that one has made, or when expressing frustration in front of a situation that is someone else’s fault. Rationality does not always come before our way of relating; in fact, it often has little influence on it.