One thing that experience teaches is that relationships are not so much about finding the right person as they are about learning to relate in a healthy way to those who love us. It is unrealistic to think that those relationships that work are those formed by lovers who fit in all aspects (the myth of the better half); what actually happens is that their habits reinforce this emotional bond day by day.

It’s not about the essence of each other, it’s about the way we interact. For example, even the most intense love is extinguished if it is not communicated, and if living together does not serve to express that affection.

So, everything depends on our actions, not on our identity. But… what are those habits that define strong couples? Let’s see in the next lines.

From platonic love to real love

What we have to do to lead a fluid and uncomplicated life as a couple is precisely to not confuse our couple with that platonic love with which we have been fantasizing for years (many times, even since childhood). Being clear about this, and avoiding essentialism, is the first step in building a relationship that is worthwhile. After all, using someone as a representation of something we want to love even if it doesn’t exist harms us both.

This seems very evident if we see it written down, but in real life it is more difficult to discern those situations where we fall into this error. For example, wanting to date preferably people with very specific physical features is an example of platonic love in a weak version: we like the idea of dating someone with dreadlocks so much that we even use this as a filtering mechanism.

However, once we have understood that it is the actions that are important and not the labels, there is still work to be done. What is missing, in fact, is the most important thing: to know what are those habits that strengthen relationships. Sometimes, these habits will already appear naturally in some relationships, while in others it is necessary to make some efforts to implement them .

The habits of strong relationships

In order to maximize the possibilities of developing a relationship, and at the same time allow it to take root, it can be useful to follow the guidelines that you will see below.

1. Symmetry in conversations

For a relationship to flow well it is necessary to talk regularly, as this offers the possibility of looking out of a window at the other’s thoughts and, ultimately, to know in real time their opinions, fears and hopes, and to empathize better. However, this dialogue must be symmetrical. That is to say, it is not enough just to talk or to listen, we have to do both .

It is clear that the exact fit does not exist, and there will always be one person who is more likely to speak than the other; the important thing is to avoid situations where the role of one of the members of the couple is reduced to that of a passive listener, a simple means of letting off steam.

2. Do not give up on social life

Forgetting about old friends when you have a partner is commonplace, but that doesn’t mean it’s positive. Going out and having fun in circles of lifelong friendships is a perfect way to enrich relationships, since it allows us to get to know facets of the person we love that were not revealed in the context of the courtship or marriage.

On the other hand, being locked into a couple’s relationship is not positive either, since it facilitates the creation of mutual dependency: since both people have broken the ties that united them to their friends, the fear that the relationship will end may take control of the situation, since in that case would be in a situation of social isolation .

3. Expressing love

This is basic. There are people who, because of their way of learning to behave or because of the culture in which they have lived for most of their lives, tend to avoid expressing what they feel.

In these cases it is common to justify this position by thinking that what is important is that love is something that is carried inside and not taught, since doing so would be considered trivializing. However, this is a mistake, since the other person does not have access to those “depths” of the mind of the being he loves, no matter how much he is in love.

4. Constantly practice mutual respect

Another habit of strong and consolidated relationships has to do with acting in accordance with the level of respect felt for the other person; neither humor nor “games” justify, for example, the habit of always playing tricks on the other person, or ridiculing their way of expressing emotions.

Relationships should be a context in which we can communicate emotions and feelings without fear of being judged , and as much as these can be disguised as a “joke” or raw honesty, this does not mean that they are not useful in practice.

5. Change of scenery

All of the above is useless if the body asks to break the monotony and the fact of being with someone anchors us in the same place. Even if we decide to sacrifice that possibility in order to keep the relationship going through its usual channels, in the end the frustration can get to the point of overflowing.

That is why it is healthy to assume that a relationship is not the usual place where two people interact; it is the interaction itself, regardless of where it takes place. Rejecting the myth that life as a couple consists of having a house, a car, a dog and children (as if they were elements of a landscape) is the first step; the second is living adventures together from time to time and, above all, moving around.

6. Sharing household chores

This detail seems banal compared to the rest, but it is not. The belief in the equality of the members of the couple is demonstrated by betting on an equal distribution of the household tasks , which in the case of heterosexual relationships, usually consists of the woman doing most of them.