The love of a partner is one of the most beautiful sensations that human beings can enjoy, and knowing that someone is with you in good times and bad is one of those things worth living for.

In our article Love’s chemistry: a very powerful drug, we explain how falling in love can make you feel high, make you feel low, or make you feel like a monkey for someone . That love is like a drug is totally true, and it has some really curious side effects.

But love also ends…

But when the love ends, the couple breaks up, and the person with whom we had shared so many good moments leaves our life, the consequences of the addiction to their caresses, to their kisses, to their smile, etc., are so strong that they can provoke serious depressive and obsessive behaviour in us .

There are many reasons why a couple can break up: infidelity, loss of interest in each other, lack of communication… and it’s complicated to learn to live without that special someone, because the emotional memory reminds us over and over again of those songs, those corners, those trips, those crazy things, etc.

How do you deal with a love break-up?

Going through a breakup is not easy, but with time you can overcome it . Because the first step in moving on is to accept that the relationship is over.

Below we show you the six uncomfortable truths about partner break-up , so that you can understand that all (or almost all) of us have suffered for someone at some time.

1.Lack of love is not linear

The lack of love is not linear, but there are ups and downs, so it is one of the situations that can cause more contradiction in oneself, especially in the first moments of the break. Despite the fact that falling out of love follows a series of phases, one is always exposed to reliving those moments of the past .

Rozzana Sánchez Aragón, a psychologist and researcher at the UNAM School of Psychology, explains the following:

Love mourning is a process that becomes more complicated than the one faced when a loved one dies, because in death mourning, thanks to reasoning, there is a linear process of knowing that a relationship has ended, while in love break-up there is a cyclical process because there is always the possibility of contact with the former partner again.

This can halt the progress made in seeking to overcome the relationship and revive the emotions, both positive and negative, that make it more difficult and painful.

This does not mean that you cannot overcome the lack of love, because the neural circuits that are activated during the love affair, with time they are weakened. But the old love can activate them again in some situations , and that’s why psychologists recommend the "all or nothing", that is, not to maintain contact with the person we have been in love with, at least for a while. This time can be longer or shorter depending on the intensity of the feeling and other aspects such as self-esteem of the individual.

Unlike the loss of another loved one, in relationships there is emotional play and feelings of: guilt, hatred , inferiority, etc., which can disturb people’s emotional stability.

2. It is often a difficult decision to make

Since disaffection is not linear and emotions carry a lot of weight when it comes to making the decision to leave a partner, imposing reason in the face of the intensity of the feelings experienced is very complicated. Moreover, as mentioned in the previous point, self-esteem plays an important role, and it is quite frequent that many people, even after having been very clear about the end of the relationship, have later regretted it .

Working on improving oneself and one’s personal development, and learning to love oneself as one is, is the best way to move forward with the new situation.

3.It hurts… so much!

The person who leaves the relationship may, on many occasions, suffer less. But the person who is left usually feels a more intense and longer lasting pain for not understanding the causes of the break-up , and may perceive the break-up as a personal failure, negatively affecting his/her well-being.

For Sánchez Aragón, the pain felt after a love break-up can be even worse than the death of a loved one . After conducting a study that analysed emotions, thoughts and behaviours after the break-up, she concluded:

When one suffers the loss of someone with high emotional value, and the reason is death, one lives the mourning and it can take time, but one knows that there is no possibility of seeing her again and in that way the reasoning allows us to understand that there is no return.

It is different in the romantic case because here we have the possibility of seeing the person again and finding him/her perhaps with another partner; this can create a difficult situation to overcome, since one feels that he/she is pseudo-adapting to life and returning to a part of his/her life that causes him/her intense pain".

4.Mutual friends can get lost

Relationship breaks are very painful and can have negative effects in different areas of our lives if they are not overcome in a positive way. In fact, break-ups can lead to an existential crisis which may even be necessary to grow emotionally . But when negative emotions (anger, rage, etc.) caused by the break-up are not well managed, the person may enter a negative spiral that will affect the way they relate to people close to them, as they will remind them of their "ex" and may accentuate the obsession.

As we mentioned in the previous lines, the "all or nothing" is necessary to let time pass and the closest friendships can also suffer , because they are a direct way of information about what the other one does. On other occasions, close friends can get fed up, as they are often called upon to be sympathetic and to take our side.

5.You will feel lonely (at least for a while)

When you break up with someone, the daily routine and sharing much of your life with that person will change . The habituation to their affection and letting go of those intimate moments is usually the hardest thing to overcome. In fact, thinking that the good moments you shared will be shared with someone else, can cause jealousy and complicate the subsequent relationship (at least cordial) with your "ex".

Many people do not know how to be alone and seek to fill the void they feel with someone else, without stopping to correct their own mistakes or strengthen their self-esteem, affected after the break-up. As time goes by, these moments of loneliness are overcome, but it is necessary to stop for a while to find oneself, otherwise the following relationships may suffer.

6.One can be happy again in love

Although at the moment of breaking up it may seem that the one who has been your partner up to now is the only person you will be really happy with, that little voice is just your emotional dependence that is lying to you . Actually, time heals everything, and distance can be our ally if we want to recover the best version of ourselves.

Human beings can adapt to a multitude of situations, and we can be resilient. When the relationship is over you can experience the worst moment of your life, and you can feel sad and depressed. Fortunately, in time you will feel better and open your heart to another special person .