Searching and finding a partner is a process that is often considered to be one of the most important elements in life. Shaping a romantic life in the company of someone not only changes one life, but actually changes two.

That is why it is good to identify what kind of characteristics and aspects are the most important to look at in order to choose to be with the right person.

The most important thing when looking for a partner

It is clear that the world of relationships is so varied and complex that, in practice, we take into account many variables when deciding whether we like someone enough to bond with that person. The physical appearance, the closeness or distance to where we live, their circles of friends, etc. However, it is necessary to remember that we are only able to identify many of these elements when we detect that the potential partner might fail in one of them. What about those characteristics we take for granted?

They are the key to making the choice of partner a success or not. There are fundamental elements about the other that, although we don’t realize it, we estimate in an optimistic way in an irrational way, as if the couple had a kind of natural obligation to fit in our schemes.

Attraction is not the most relevant thing

Knowing how to identify these personal characteristics that we imagine and question them by contrasting them with what we see will make those minimum requirements of what we need a person to have in order to be with him/her serve, effectively, as minimum requirements, and not as something that is understood.

Of course, these alone will not be enough to guarantee that the bond will be strong and lasting, but at least we will not be letting chance decide whether we are compatible with the other person or not.

And what are the minimum requirements?

1. Communication styles

A couple’s relationship is basically a dynamic of communication and shared affection. If the first one fails, the second one will soon do so as well. That is why all conflicts and frictions that may appear in a relationship must be well communicated, and to do so it is essential to examine the communicative style of the potential partner .

Honesty and transparency are not elements that are valued in romantic relationships simply because they avoid the appearance of infidelity for a prolonged period; they are also a guarantee that any problems that may arise along the way can be detected and managed as a couple, without allowing them to become entrenched or lead to misunderstandings.

2. The similarity

When building a long-term relationship, it is essential to assess how our personality fits with that of our partner. After all, the love bond should always be there, and that includes situations that are not very romantic.

Also, it should be noted that the myth that opposites attract each other is just that, a myth. In psychology there is a lot of evidence that indicates that the most prosperous and long-lasting couples are those in which both people have rather similar personalities. In this way, the habits and interests of each of them will not cause an emotional (and physical, in the case of not shared hobbies) estrangement that will end up wearing out the relationship.

3. Vital and intellectual stimulation

When the idealization of the couple is over, what is left? It is very easy to fill in those blanks about what we know about the other person with all sorts of romantic fantasies, but once enough time has passed to see that neither our partner is as cultured and intelligent as she initially seemed nor knows how to manage her emotions as well as we thought, there must be something left of her that will continue to trap us .

Usually that “something” has to do with that person’s way of thinking, their interests and areas of knowledge that make them curious and, of course, with their sense of humor. These are elements that do not depend on something that is quantifiable and therefore difficult for us to idealize: either they are present or they are not.

4. Your fears

A potential partner’s fears are what can drive them away if they are not compatible with the type of relationship you want to have. That is why, when we meet someone special, it is important to know what it is that they don’t want, what they are trying to avoid .

Of course, these fears can change over time, but in any case at first there is nothing to guarantee that, if they change, they will do so in the sense that we want to form a functional couple.

For example, something as simple as the presence of certain personal ambitions could be something that intimidates the couple in certain cases, as several investigations reveal.