At Christmas, the custom of giving gifts to the little ones in the house has become both a tradition and, at times, a form of social pressure towards consumerism. In this article we will focus on how the so called 4 gifts rule helps us to face this phenomenon .

Does consumerism mean happiness?

It is undeniable that we live in an era where consumerism plays a central role in the organizational system of today’s society. A time in which the different media subjugate us with their advertising and with messages that lead us to think that owning more and more products, even if they are unnecessary, is going to contribute to our own well-being.

Nothing could be further from the truth; the research that experts in the study of happiness such as Martin Seligman have done so far indicates that three main factors contribute to a general feeling of happiness and personal satisfaction :

On the one hand, there is the enjoyment linked to the experiences lived with the people around us, which causes an increase in the most pleasant emotions such as joy, calm, excitement (for example, travelling, listening to music, doing sports, etc.).

On the other hand, the pleasure derived from doing those activities that are particularly satisfying and that make you less anxious (such as taking dance classes, painting, writing, etc.).

Finally, we find the positive sensations derived from putting into practice those personal values that favour the achievement of social goals at a macro level, such as generosity, honesty, integrity, etc.

It can thus be seen that the values defended by capitalism do not seem to have much to do with these three aspects. Capitalism is rather positioned in to foment attitudes like competitiveness, individuality or the primacy of the material ; so that an addictive spiral is created towards these last phenomena, which are diametrically opposed to the exposed by Seligman.

Christmas gifts: the 4-gift rule

All of the above seems to have a special relevance at Christmas time , since this celebration is very much linked to shopping and gifts. For this reason, and with the aim of rescuing a less consumerist, more solidary, sustainable and generous spirit, very diverse experts in child psychology remind us year after year how interesting and pedagogical it can be to apply the so-called “four gifts rule” in the presents that adults give to the little ones at home.

This practice allows, on the one hand, to reduce considerably the volume of gifts that children receive , which is a good exercise to learn to value more consciously the effort involved both when making it and when deserving it. On the other hand, the rule of the four gifts implies reformulating what type of gifts are to be selected, giving a pedagogical meaning to each one of them. Thus, it is not a question of accepting the four presents requested (or imposed) by the child, but rather they must conform to the following premises:

1. The practical

Something you can wear that will be useful to you, such as a piece of clothing or an accessory.

2. The necessary

Something you really need , such as an object you use for your school or extracurricular activities.

3. What you want

Anything you want, as long as it’s appropriate for the child’s age. In this case, it is advisable to ask the child to make two or three proposals and the adult will choose the one that best suits the family’s circumstances. An important point may be to consider the child’s behaviour and effort (and not only the final academic grades) both at school and in the family and social environment.

4. What educates

Books and/or educational experiences shared with the family, such as a cultural excursion, a visit to a museum, etc. As for the books, it seems positive that they have priority in deciding which title to select , in such a way that the child’s receptivity to this type of gift is increased.

The Hyper-Related Child Syndrome

Following the above principles, it promotes the fight against the so-called “hyper-gifted child syndrome”, which is defined by a set of attitudes and harmful emotional consequences that can develop in children who receive an excess of gifts .

When the illusion and value given to the gift is diminished, capricious and selfish behavior is encouraged; over-stimulation is promoted when faced with so many gifts that cannot be attended to (which causes a very small percentage of the total number of gifts to be used), in addition to the negative medium- and long-term implications that over-stimulation entails for the child, interfering with the child’s capacity for attention and concentration; Finally, the low ability to tolerate frustration is increased, since the child is denied the possibility of doing emotional work that allows him/her to accept to assume in an adaptive way that sometimes, the wishes or expectations may not be fulfilled.

By way of conclusion

As we have seen, it seems fundamental to carry out a process of reflection and awareness at this time of year when some practices are socially encouraged that may have a detrimental effect on the ethical and educational values that adults transmit to their offspring. In this sense, the rule of the four gifts has a significant number of psychological and pedagogical benefits in its application , both for adults and children.

Bibliographic references:

  • Seligman, M. E. P. (2017) True happiness. Editions B: Barcelona.