Researchers have been trying for decades to figure out love and how people are attracted to each other. Much progress has been made recently in understanding this phenomenon, and as we explained in the article “What is Love? (And what is not),” defining this concept is extremely complicated.
One of the most curious studies in this sense is the one carried out by the psychologist and philosopher Dr. Arthur Aron , professor at Stony Brook University (New York), who has been studying love, friendship and intimacy for 40 years. This author believes that it is possible to make other people fall in love in just 45 minutes. In this article we explain his findings.
Arthur Aron’s ideas
For most of us, love is something that happens by magic, when you see a person and feel a crush , or when you meet someone in depth and simply connect, as if the souls fit together.
But perhaps it takes a willingness to fall in love and do our part to make this happen, and this fact motivated New York Times reporter Mandy Len Catron to write about Arthur Aron’s 1993 study.
In his article entitled “To Fall In Love With Anyone, Do This”, he talked about how the American psychologist developed a 36-question questionnaire with which he said that it was possible to create such intimacy between two individuals and that they could fall in love in just 45 minutes. Mandy says that she applied these questions, and that despite the fact that they were more than 20 years old, it worked for her with a guy she met in a bar.
The studio and its characteristics
The article by the New York newspaper journalist tells how Arthur Aaron conducted his research, which involved a group of subjects sitting in pairs, facing each other.
The subjects were instructed to ask some questions previously elaborated by the researcher and, after this, the subjects had to stare into their eyes for 4 minutes . Apparently, several couples felt something special and, in fact, three of them ended up getting married.
The journalist put it into practice
Catron decided to test these questions to see if they were really effective or not. So when she met an interesting guy in a bar, she asked him questions, all of which belonged to the 36-question questionnaire, and they were asked one after the other just like in a job interview . Logically, he asked the boy to look into his eyes for 4 minutes after asking the questions, to complete his own investigation.
According to her, and after finishing the test, her degree of intimacy was such that she fell in love with the boy . Apparently the boy did too.
Questions to make someone fall in love
Many skeptics may not believe this, but both the researcher and the journalist say that a greater degree of intimacy occurs after getting to know the other person in depth. These questions are divided into three sections, vary their intimacy gradually and require more and more confidence to answer them.
For example, the first question is “Which person would you invite to dinner if you could choose anyone,” while the last one is formulated as follows: “Share a personal problem with your interlocutor and ask him/her to give you his/her opinion on how he/she would have acted . Ask him/her how he/she thinks you feel about the problem you have just told him/her”.
For Arthur Aaron, “one of the most important factors about these questions is self-revelation. Revealing things about yourself has to happen gradually, and it requires trust. As the researcher says, “if you go too fast, the other person may feel self-conscious and distrustful. But if you start with something that is not too personal and then gradually move on to ask more and more personal questions, both partners will feel comfortable “
The famous Spanish program “El hormiguero” shared the sociological experiment Arthur Aaron. You can check it out on the following video.
- If you want to know what the famous questions of this study are, you will find them in the article “Las 40 preguntas infalibles para enamorar alguien”
The importance of keeping your eyes open
But what is really effective about these questions and the supposed results of the study is in keeping the eye on the other partner for 4 minutes. According to the Mensalus Institute in Barcelona, one of the best psychology clinics in Spain, these minutes are so revealing since they offer exclusivity to one sense, and this can be a powerful amplifier of the interaction. Moreover, helps to deepen concepts that go beyond words “.
For the professionals of this center, “the 4 minutes are essential to contemplate the other partner in its fullness and make a mutual recognition. These are not the classic verbal questions and answers, but they are carried out from silence. A unique connection is created, a total complicity”.
You can visualize the consequences of the look in this study below.
- To learn more: “This is what happens when you keep your eyes 4 minutes (social experiment)”