When a relationship ends, it is not always on good terms; in some cases it is necessary to know how to close cycles and understand that it is time to move on.
Memories always remain, but the way we deal with the end of the relationship is what makes the difference between having a bad time for a long time and for no reason, or not at all. In this article we’re going to review some tips on how to move on from your ex , and prevent the grieving process from getting out of control. It’s normal to feel sad at first, but we shouldn’t let the negative feeling intensify and immobilize us.
What happens during a love break?
To know how to move on from your ex you must understand what happens during a love breakup. In these cases we stop receiving the gratification of being in a relationship with the other person , and have to face the fact that the relationship is over.
During this process it is normal that we present intense states of anguish, denial, anger or frustration, among other negative feelings that only generate harm to ourselves and prevent us from having an adequate quality of life (at least while we are going through the process of grief).
Falling in love is, apart from a feeling, an organic process that occurs thanks to the secretion of certain substances by our brain (happiness hormones). When a dating relationship ends and one of the parties is still in love, there is an abrupt cessation in the production of these substances. This situation makes it easier for the subject to start looking for ways to recover the pleasant sensation that being with the other person used to cause , and many times he tries in irrational ways, without taking into account the negative consequences of his actions.
How do you move on from your ex?
In the following lines we are going to list a series of tips on how we can move on and correctly overcome the fact of having ended a dating relationship.
1. Focus on facts, not wishes
To begin with, we must bear in mind that our desires for that person are intense, and this makes it difficult for us to see the reality of things as they really are. What is recommended is to take into account the facts of the relationship, rather than our personal desires .
If you are able to evaluate things in an objective and logical way, you may realize that things have happened in a way that you were not evaluating, and that the best thing is to face the facts by accepting that there are things that we cannot change, because they are personal decisions of the other person.
2. Cycle with that person
We should not go through life leaving open cycles, we will only manage to prolong a state of suffering, which does not have to be so long. Moreover, we will eventually have to face the situations that we leave unfinished by life .
The right way to close cycles is by expressing everything we have inside; our feelings, our deaths, and in general, our thinking about the situation: in this case, the love break we are going through. The ideal is that we do this catharsis with the people involved in our process (ex-couple) .
3. Be as assertive as possible
When talking to your partner to let them know how you feel, try to be assertive with your words , that is, express what you feel without disrespect.
Avoid at all costs any conflict with that person. You should only tell him what your feelings are about the break-up, without trying to change his decision . Ideally, you should accept that it is all over and say goodbye with your head held high.
4. Work on aspects of your personal life
Once you have talked to your ex to let him know your impressions, it is time to move on with your life and reinvent yourself healthily . At first it may seem like a difficult thing to deal with, but as the days go by you will see how things take their course and you manage to regain emotional stability.
Do a self-assessment of yourself and find out what you can improve on , make a list of them, and then look for activities that can help you improve your lifestyle. For example, start new healthy routines.
5. Talk to friends
Don’t be afraid to talk to your friends about it. Being vulnerable with them will not make you look weak ; in fact, people who are able to tell their difficult experiences give an impression of being confident. In addition, your friends will be able to give you their support and some advice.
6. Avoid isolation
Don’t let the situation isolate you completely from the world. It is reasonable that you want to be alone for a while to get your thoughts in order , but after a few days you should go back to frequenting places and socializing with other people who are not necessarily your closest friends.
7. Avoid dating out of spite
Wanting to abruptly replace your ex with someone else will only drive you deeper into a dysfunctional relationship dynamic. The best thing is to give yourself time to adequately overcome the breakup you just had ; if all goes well, after a few weeks you will be able to date without significant problems, but not before you have gone through the process of overcoming it.
- Sternberg, R. (2004). A Triangular Theory of Love. In Reis, H. T.; Rusbult, C. E. Close Relationships. New York: Psychology Press.