Unwanted solitude is a psychological discomfort that affects many people, and that often appears in psychotherapy sessions. Let’s see what it consists of.

What is unwanted solitude?

Unwanted loneliness is the feeling experienced by part of the population where there is a perception of having no support or someone to count on.

This does not mean that those who experience it must necessarily be physically isolated, but rather that despite being in contact with other people, they do not feel supported by them, which generates a clinically significant discomfort and a deterioration in the quality of life .

A person may decide to isolate themselves voluntarily from the rest of society, but unlike unwanted solitude, in these cases this isolation is actively sought, and does not generate discomfort.

By itself, unwanted solitude does not constitute a diagnosis, but there is usually comorbidity (appearance of 2 disorders simultaneously) with other disorders such as depression, anxiety disorders, personality disorders or borderline personality disorder.

What causes it?

It is not a single factor cause, it is usually generated as a result of the union of different risk factors that end up leading to this loneliness.

Some of these factors could be the social skills problems , because if someone does not know how to relate, it will be difficult to generate a social circle in which to feel supported.

Another factor that stands out on many occasions is age, since, unfortunately too often, older people become isolated from their environment because it is more difficult for them to establish contact with each other, or because of the death of friends and family. Changes in their environment, such as going to a nursing home, loss of family visits, etc., all of this means that the person sees their social roots weakened more and more.

Finally, another factor to be taken into account is geographical mobility, since when changing residence, relationships are left behind that are often weakened and can be difficult to maintain and at the same time, it is very difficult to establish new relationships.

What are the consequences?

On many occasions it can lead to anxiety problems, depression, self-esteem problems , fear of facing social situations… All of this can happen to a greater or lesser extent, but what is evident is that it generates a deep frustration and negative feeling that ends up spreading to other areas of the person’s life.

In addition to the consequences discussed above, this loneliness may try to be replaced by harmful behaviors such as drug use or other addictions, may increase the risk of suicide, criminal and antisocial behaviors.

On the other hand, in recent years we have seen that there is a relationship between unwanted loneliness and the chances of suffering from Alzheimer’s.

Who usually suffers from it?

Apart from the elderly What other profiles tend to suffer from unwanted loneliness?

There is no single profile because, although it is true that people tend to think mainly of older people, the whole of society is exposed to this risk. Starting with the youngest ones, where if they do not have adequate social education and opportunities to interact with their peers and have reference and attachment figures, they could suffer from unwanted loneliness.

Adolescence is well known as a time of change, and sometimes of detachment from family to friends. This leads to the risk that if this evolution is not well managed it can result in a vacuum by not feeling integrated with either one or the other.

Moreover, both in adolescence and adulthood, social networks are a very big frustration factor , since we think they bring us together and avoid loneliness, but they usually generate superficial relationships and largely promote social comparison. This is due to the fact that the “best version” is shown and can generate a bias in the person who receives this information, believing that “he is less sociable” than his environment.

Has it increased in recent years? Why?

This possible perception of loneliness has always existed, but it has increased due to the use of social networks and the current pace of life that does not allow us to establish such intense social relationships , since stress means that we hardly have time to relate in a meaningful way.

The truth is that we are heading for a worrying reality, in which our routine and the exacerbated use of new technologies, the speed at which everything is going… is preventing us from socialising as we should.

How do new technologies influence the feeling of loneliness?

Although they can have a positive influence, since they allow you to maintain or create relationships, the truth is that the new technologies also do it in a very negative way, because it seems to us that everyone has many friends to go out with, we can fall into comparisons and feel very isolated. On the other hand, we have all been in meetings where people look at their mobile phones instead of the one in front of them. These acts are isolating us.

How can this emotional isolation be combated?

In any profile, it is important to assess whether a social network really exists, not necessarily a very large one, and whether, despite its existence, the person still feels alone.

In our clinic Mariva Psychologists, in Valencia, we make an adequate evaluation of the experience of each patient, since this feeling of loneliness may be a symptom of some other psychological disorder . From what has been evaluated, we can work on the thoughts and behaviours of people.

For example, if I think I’m alone and that’s not real, we’ll have to see why I think that, what expectations I have, because if I want to have a social plan every day, maybe I have unrealistic expectations, or if I don’t have a social support network, I can start looking for activities and training social tools to create it.

On the other hand, if we talk about this loneliness as a symptom of an anxiety disorder, depression, self-esteem problems… we have to treat it as a global whole in psychological therapy.

How to help?

If we detect that someone in our environment may feel lonely, as in the case of older people, we must try to express our affection to them to a greater extent and propose places where they can relate. We must remember that we are social beings and that, if we do not see this need covered, we do not feel well.