Surely, at some point in our lives, we have all been hurt and felt the urge to take revenge . As the saying goes, “revenge is a dish best served cold”, it is better not to act impulsively. Also, after the initial anger, we often accept the situation and put aside the idea of revenge.

However, there are individuals who are spiteful and vindictive. In this article we will talk about them and review what their main characteristics are.

Difference between grudge and revenge

Resentment and revenge are feelings and actions that can be harmful not only to the person who is the victim, but also to the subject who is vengeful and spiteful. And although these terms are often confused, they are not the same.

A grudge appears after a moral damage, when we feel that something offends us and we want revenge , we want to pay someone else with the same coin, the “eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth” so famous. Now, when this revenge does not materialize, it remains a simple grudge, because grudge is a thought and revenge is an action, that is, when we behave in a hostile way and we want the other person to suffer the consequences of having hurt us. Although they are different phenomena, they go hand in hand.

Characteristics of vindictive people

But, how are the vindictive subjects? What characteristics do they present?

In the following lines we answer these questions.

1. Lack of empathy

Lack of empathy is a characteristic of vengeful people. This does not mean that they do not show empathy with some people close to them, but when anger appears, the empathy disappears .

Studies suggest that to harm another person we must see them as a threat and not empathize with them. This is a trait that psychopaths show, as you can see in our article “Psychological profile of a psychopath, in 12 unmistakable traits”.

2. Poor self-knowledge

These individuals are usually people with a poor capacity for emotional self-knowledge , who are unable to detect when they feel anger and when they are about to explode as a result of a grudge.

The grudge makes the person miserable, and instead of focusing on oneself and accepting the situation, it makes them live in a vicious circle where they need to hurt the other person.

3. Emotional mismanagement

The poor capacity for emotional management is accompanied by poor management of emotions , because if rancor and thoughts of revenge are not detected, it is difficult to avoid them.

We have all felt great pain at times and have wished that the person who has caused it would suffer it in his own flesh, but we do not all act and take revenge, for we know that in the long run it does not benefit us and can harm us.

4. They believe they possess absolute truth

They are usually individuals who believe that their truth is the absolute truth and that they do not make mistakes. They are intolerant and possess rigid thinking. They are offended at the least, when someone does not act or think like them . They may seem good but hide a great aggressiveness if things are not the way they want them to be.

5. Dichotomous thinking

This mental rigidity leads them to have a dichotomous thinking, in which everything is either right or wrong . They don’t see the nuances that can exist in life and in interpersonal relationships.

For example, when a love relationship goes through a bad time because of a lack of dialogue (and the other person hesitates), they may want to get back at their partner instead of understanding that the situation and the ongoing conflicts can often lead to confusion. What is needed in these moments is to communicate and be empathetic, not vindictive.

6. They do not forgive and they do not forget

Vindictive people are spiteful people because they do not forget . By having the dichotomous thinking I mentioned in the previous point, they don’t accept the situation they see as a threat.

By not forgiving they live anchored in the past, far from the present which is where a person’s well-being lies. Although sometimes we are not aware of it, forgiveness has many benefits and is key to our emotional balance. We explain this in our article “Forgiveness: Should I or should I not forgive the one who hurt me?

7. They don’t learn from the past

Therefore, are individuals who live in the past, remembering the fact that it hurt them over and over again . Bad past experiences are great opportunities to grow, but it is necessary to take advantage of them and not take them personally. Otherwise, it is impossible to move forward.

8. They are proud people

Vindictive people are usually proud people, who think that others are attacking them . This causes a defensive attitude that does not favour the good functioning of interpersonal relationships.

Although they are strong, in reality, they are showing weakness, because when one has confidence in oneself, one accepts the situation and moves on.

9. They live an eternal drama

There are people who go through life with optimism, who face the obstacles along the way and turn the page once they have been overcome. But these types of people hold grudges and revenge deep inside and relive them continually. Instead of overcoming it and getting on with their lives, they recreate the facts over and over again .

10. Are unsafe

Self-confident people do not give more importance to the facts that affect them . They may be upset when a personal relationship has bad moments, but then they move on. They live their lives to the fullest, because they know that they must follow their path to personal development and the goals they want to achieve.

To be vindictive is to want to hurt other people and divert the individual from the path he should follow to be happy. Revenge may seem like a good option at one point, but in the long run it can be harmful.