We constantly ask ourselves: How can I eradicate domestic violence and at the same time promote healthy development in my children?All attempts will be in vain if you don’t start with yourself. The family is the bastion where we can start to instil values such as non-violence and healthy and open communication with our children.
Addressing Domestic Violence and Education from Home
The first step is to identify the situations or practices that cause the accumulation of stress and frustration . Parents are not machines. The constant demand for your attention and time tends to destabilize you emotionally and physically, not to mention that the current economic and work situation pushes anyone to the limits.
Disconnecting our work and/or academic life from our home life is a difficult task, but it is necessary. We should not impute to our children or partner our concerns and duties of what belongs outside the house. Try to get rid of your work-related or school-related worries once you are out of work or school. If it is necessary for you to dedicate more time to something, look for a moment that you can dedicate exclusively to the activity and make sure you communicate this to your family by asking for their support , remember that your professional and personal growth is also their growth.
Once this is done, here are some suggestions that can help in the development of a healthy and harmonious coexistence .
Establish and enforce rules of respect at home
In the previous article it was established that the family is the basic social nucleus of every society, and what is a society without rules? If it is necessary to write them, that all the members of the family are familiar with the rules, it is important that the minor conceives the relation of the internal rules with the external ones, leaving explicit the consequences of not following them. In the house rules be sure to decisively prohibit the use of insults, hitting or threats between members of your family.
In the article on bullying, we set out some types of violence, so remember that any type of violence, whether verbal, physical or of the third type, is a transgression towards the whole family, because it results in the triggering of various actions and reactions, as well as not recognising the value of each member.
Encourages assertive communication
Assertive communication is the ability to express positive and negative ideas and feelings in an open, honest and direct manner. When talking to your children, have you ever felt that they tell you only what you want to hear? Do your children express their feelings and opinions to you with difficulty? Do you really know how to listen to them?
Open and assertive communication not only prevents adverse situations, but also provides the space to resolve conflicts without resorting to violence.
At this point I think it is important to comment that I am part of the generation in which a spanking was not violence, it was correction, that is why I must make it clear that sometimes, when attempts to resolve conflicts through dialogue seem not to be enough and that we need to go to the next step, it is necessary to know that not all reprimands are of a violent nature, it is only important to know when and how to discipline children.
Avoid reprimanding your child with a hot head, make sure the reprimand is of the same “caliber” as the fault committed. The child must learn that to every negative action there is a directly proportional reaction , whether at home or in society. At the same time I would also like to comment that a vital part of parenting is trusting your instinct, not following fads or trends just because of what they say.
As a family, it is important to live together and spread out healthy . Sharing collaborative rather than competitive activities, integrating and getting to know each other’s tastes is fundamental. Seek to plan a time each day when this will happen. Organize your schedule, the searcher finds, even if it’s only 5 minutes. Quality is worth more than quantity.
Wake up and smell the coffee
As cruel as it sounds, it is better to “die knowing” than to “live deceived” . Often we do not enjoy our reality because we live longing for the perfect family. Avoid disappointment and remember the following: No matter what you see on social networks, young children have a lot of energy and don’t care what adults want from them, siblings will fight. Period. Once in a while, some more than others, it’s normal, it’s part of living together. Pre-teens and teenagers are out of the question, remember when you were their age?
Enjoy those moments, which are sometimes scarce, of family togetherness. Abandon your preconceived fantasy, accept the characteristics of the age of each of your children and…
Accepts errors and defects
No one is perfect, no one is born knowing. The house where mistakes are condemned is fertile ground for domestic violence. Within the family a routine for asking and granting forgiveness should be established and practiced frequently.
Be the example, encourage your children to be generous and tolerant to others, allowing them to learn to grow through their mistakes. Teach them not to trip over the same stone.
The family is undoubtedly the ideal nucleus for promoting values from an early age and projecting in each of its members a way of life that is healthy and transmissible among the individuals who make it up as well as in society. The values are observable as each member responsibly assumes the role that corresponds to him/her, seeking the well-being and integral development of the other members.
Why should rights be promoted from home?
Your children should know their rights and know that they deserve respect. They should never tolerate violence without denouncing it. Teach them to take care of themselves and protect themselves from abuse by being assertive in their personal relationships . Review together the importance of each of their rights and obligations.
The house is the laboratory where you practice healthy relationships, and where your example is substantial so that they assimilate its value. Let’s remember the analysis of violence from the mimetic theory, if your children see you suffering from a violent relationship or violating your partner in their presence, it will be difficult for them to learn to recognize or live a healthy relationship in the future.
Control the influence of environmental violence in the media
Violence enters your home with your permission. Look at what is being promoted by the media to which your children have access. Don’t let everyday life and visual culture determine the development of your children’s value system and behaviour. Do not allow the media to be responsible for educating your children .
Continuous exposure to violent images makes us vulnerable and allows us to gradually admit the unacceptable as normal. Being exposed to violence from an early age has a negative effect on a child’s development.
Don’t be silent, denounce violence
You’ve already set the rules, and you’ve taught your children to assert their rights. Now it’s important to point out violent acts and attitudes, and publicly condemn them. Encourage your children to denounce violence , the trust they place in you is essential for you to help them detect when their integrity is at risk, they can be victims of harassment even within their own home.
The violence will stop when you decide to talk.