What does a relationship with a jealousy problem look like? 7 symptoms
Jealousy is a kind of problem that many relationships suffer from in silence. And this is not only because for many people the things in the relationship that make them feel bad are a real taboo; moreover, jealousy is not simply talked about because it is assumed that however harmful it may be, it is something normal in love .
Obviously, not knowing how to recognize a problem does not mean that it does not exist. In fact, this “blindness” often contributes to the situation becoming increasingly serious, generating other undesirable consequences by domino effect and becoming part of everyday life. That’s why when jealousy arises in a couple’s relationship, it’s important to be aware of it as soon as possible, in order to determine if its intensity makes it an obstacle to live that love bond in a healthy way.
Read on to learn about the main symptoms that indicate the presence of jealousy problems in a relationship .
This is what a relationship with a jealousy problem looks like: 7 warning signs
If you are in a relationship and there are some behaviors that make you uncomfortable and you suspect that they have to do with the desire to control and to watch , these guidelines will help you to know if your courtship or marriage is harmed by jealousy problems.
These are common symptoms that arise when one or both of the people involved tend to behave like jealous lovers. They don’t have to happen all at once, but together they help to tell you what’s going on.
1. Ask for each other’s phone number to check chats and images
Sometimes, this “scanning” of the contents of the smartphone is camouflaged under some excuse , such as trying to find a specific photo or being curious about the things a certain person says on Whatsapp so that you can laugh at it.
However, in practice it is easy to see that jealousy is what motivates this behaviour, because on the one hand it does not occur in a specific way, but with a certain frequency, and on the other hand the way of searching for contents reflects that the jealous person does not look for a specific content, but “searches” with his eyes as much as he can for something that calls his attention, something that reveals flirtation, sexual interest or infidelity.
2. Making faces when the other person is out partying with friends
One of the characteristics of jealousy is that it is triggered at times when there is a lack of information about what the other person is doing, the one you want to have under control. In cases like this, it is easier to imagine the worst , and attention is drawn to painful images about infidelity or the breakdown of the relationship, in the same way that someone who is a hypochondriac cannot help but think that he or she probably has serious illnesses.
And when we add that the person is in leisure contexts in which flirting is common , such as discos or concerts, the discomfort of not being by his side is even more identified in those who have become accustomed to adopting a possessive attitude in relation to the other.
That’s why, in jealous people, having the other one party without them is seen as a threat.
3. Ask about the potential attractiveness of classmates or work
In relationships where there are problems of jealousy, the jealous person always tries to keep potential competitors on the radar who can “take away” the one he or she loves. That is why, in a disguised way, asks questions about the features and characteristics of the people he considers more threatening in this sense: “How is his face? Is he tall? Maybe he looks familiar. “Does he have a partner? “Do you talk much?”…
Of course, none of these questions alone indicate that there is jealousy, but taken together, they give a picture of what is going on.
4. Becoming angry with someone for no apparent reason
Many times, the jealous person cannot hide his dislike for someone who is seen as a source of danger , a temptation for that person who risks losing. Sometimes, he even tries to get his partner (for whom he fears abandonment or abandonment) to join in the mocking or cruel acts directed against that external threat.
5. Setting schedules unilaterally
Asking the other member of the couple to be at home before it gets too late, or insinuating that spending too much time away will cause discomfort in the jealous person, is a way of controlling that reveals an obvious problem of jealousy, of the most serious kind , and must be treated in therapy or that, directly, it is a reason to end the relationship (depending on the degree of hostility and insistence with which one tries to implant).
6. Attempt to isolate socially
This is one of the behaviors associated with the most serious jealousy problems, a harmful behavior that depending on how it occurs can be considered abuse. It is carried out by feeding the idea that outside the relationship there is nothing that really matters, and that therefore every time you decide to spend time with friends or family it is a reason for disappointment and frustration.
Furthermore, tries to emphasize the differences between the inside and outside of the couple , through beliefs such as “everyone is equal”, “we need to protect each other so that we are not hurt”, “they do nothing but judge us”, etc.
The ultimate goal of this is usually to make it easier to manipulate the other person, making it easier to control.
Finally, this is a symptom in which jealousy merges indissolubly with abuse. By threats, in this context we understand warnings that if something is done that transgresses the norms of fidelity and exclusivity of the couple, as a punishment there will be physical aggressions or humiliations that will have an impact on the social environment of the victim (for example, circulating intimate photos through the Internet).
In these cases, there is no longer so much talk of a problem caused by a jealous person, but of a threat to the victim’s integrity that is sufficient reason to end the relationship and contact the authorities.
- Bevan, J.L. (2004). General partner and relational uncertainty as consequences of another person’s jealousy expression. Western Journal of Communication. 68 (2): 195–218.
- Shackelford, T.K.; Voracek, M.; Schmitt, D.P.; Buss, D.M.; Weekes-Shackelford, V.A.; Michalski, R.L. (2004). Romantic jealousy in early adulthood and in later life. Human Nature. 15 (3): 283 – 300.
- Sternberg, R. (2004). A Triangular Theory of Love. In Reis, H. T.; Rusbult, C. E. Close Relationships. New York: Psychology Press.