More modern generations have said that fairy tales and stereotypes of little princesses have seriously damaged the way women themselves see themselves (and their own misinterpreted love stories).

This social phenomenon based on traditional gender roles has given rise to what is known as the Cinderella complex .

What is the Cinderella complex?

Simply defined, the Cinderella complex is a psychological phenomenon that predisposes women to value themselves and their lives depending on the proximity of a protective figure: the partner.

In this way, this psychological and social phenomenon favours the appearance of a self-image characterised by the expectation of the appearance of a partner who will supposedly give meaning to our life and, in cases where we already have a partner, it feeds the creation of a dynamic of relationships based on dependence.

The American writer Colette Dowling wrote a book in which she related how women with a Cinderella complex have a certain fear of independence and relate their happiness to their emotional status, giving rise to the insatiable and mistaken search for “Prince Charming” to achieve absolute happiness.

Cinderella as a female model

The psychological pattern of women with Cinderella syndrome has three basic characteristics: an unconscious desire to be constantly cared for, rescued and assisted by other people even outside the romantic partner.

This type of behavior can be explained by several factors. According to Colette Dowling, it is rooted in a sum of motivations: from the way women are educated to certain social rules that lead women to feel this way, which makes it difficult to explain the problem simply.

Somehow, the cultural background based on machismo continues to feed this kind of attitudes and philosophies of life that make strong distinctions between what is proper to the feminine and what corresponds to the masculine. The former is fragile and must be cared for from the outside, and the latter is strong, firm and self-sufficient. The combination of gender roles that derive from this polarized perception of men and women creates, among other things, the Cinderella complex.

Its characteristics

Some of the characteristics of the Cinderella complex are the following:

  • Low self-esteem.
  • Continued dependence.
  • Fear of going outside the comfort zone.
  • Idealization of the couple.

If you identify with any of these symptoms, the best method to combat them or transform this behavior is to seek happiness without a partner and with the virtues you have for yourself, without having to wait for anyone to come and change reality.

If you are unable to overcome these fears and attitudes, ideally you should ask a specialist to help you change your beliefs and habits.

Is it a mental disorder?

The Cinderella complex is not a concept used in clinical psychology or psychiatry to describe a mental disorder, it simply describes a certain pattern of behaviour fuelled by customs, stereotypes about differences between men and women.

However, if the patterns of behavior you describe are very pronounced and interfere with the quality of life of the person or his/her environment, it may indicate the presence of symptoms characteristic of Borderline Personality Disorder or Dependent Personality Disorder.

5 keys to being an independent woman

It is very common to hear talk today of the need to vindicate independent and self-reliant women. However, it is difficult to see how one can adopt a more security-based attitude in one’s life. For this reason, we will work on these keys to develop women’s independence while respecting that of others.

Basically, we find two types of independence: emotional and economic . In part, one depends on the other in order to consolidate a good level of independence.

Here are five tips to overcome the problem:

1. Take care of your emotions

Definitely the most difficult step and the first to be faced, as it is the basis of the whole. Emotional independence is achieved by defining well what you want, what you like and what you don’t like. In terms of your personal relationships , whether with friends, colleagues, family or your partner, you have to make an effort to analyse where your real capacities end and where the collaboration of others is really necessary

2. Responsibility with money

The idea that what is normal and desirable is economically dependent on the couple greatly restricts one’s freedom. Learn to depend on yourself and not ask anyone for money.

3. Enjoy the solitude

There’s no need to panic when you’re alone. Value your moments of loneliness as something with positive aspects and meet your own thoughts, feelings and fears.

4. Cultivate yourself

Enjoying a higher level of skills and knowledge empowers us and makes us freer and more autonomous, regardless of our gender.

5. Work on self-esteem

This point is as fundamental as the first. Loving yourself will help you to show yourself as an empowered and confident woman. Loving yourself, without falling into arrogance, makes you respect yourself, take care of yourself, cultivate yourself, etc. You should expect the same from the people around you.