As much as our conception of what a healthy love relationship is has improved in recent decades, that does not mean that love life has ceased to be full of imperfections. Infidelity is one of the most common, for example.

In fact, nowadays it is estimated that the most frequent reason for divorce is extramarital affairs , and it is not unusual for research to show that around 4% of people with a partner consulted claim to have been unfaithful in the last 12 months.

Taking this into account, what is it that makes some couples never become unfaithful? Let’s see.

Theories on what makes a relationship strong

In a recent study published in the Journal of Sex Research , a team of researchers set out to detect which factors prevent couples from being tempted to become unfaithful .

To this end, they tested the validity of a series of theories that attempt to explain the ways in which people with partners behave in contexts where they could have such affairs if they wanted to. These theories, which for years have tried to account for the glue that holds people together in love relationships, are as follows.

Moral Theory

For example, according to the theory based on morality, beliefs about what is good and bad in a relationship would have a determining weight in the actions of those who are married or not in a situation of bachelorhood. Of course, morality seems to have weight in love life, since in practically all cultures relationships outside the couple are seen as something that speaks ill of the person who commits those acts.

Economic theories

On the other hand, economic theories propose that people in a love relationship think in rational terms about the costs and benefits of being in a relationship with a specific person, with all the sacrifices and management of time and effort that this entails.

It is assumed that all people who have spent a lot of time investing in a relationship, or who believe they can benefit greatly from continuing the one they have recently entered into, will be less likely to have relationships outside of it, or at least will require other potential partners to provide significantly more than the current one to make infidelity worthwhile.

Evolutionary Theory

Evolutionary Psychology tends to emphasize the role that genetics and in general inheritance passed on from generation to generation influence the behavior of individuals, and in the case of the psychosexual context, these behavior patterns are normally described in terms of differences between men and women. The reason is that, if we take into account the influence of evolution on sexual behaviour , then the fact of belonging to one or another sex must influence the starting point from which each person judges a possible option of this type.

Normally, men are described as individuals who value quantity more than quality, while in women the opposite is true, and would value more the possibility of being with a partner who brings stability and emotional commitment. The reason why from the Evolutionist Psychology this idea has been defended is not based on the existence of stereotypes about differences between sexes, but from a genetic inheritance fruit of opportunities and costs that, by the way, would be given in many other species of living beings.

According to this perspective, females, having a limited number of eggs and having to be pregnant and therefore “vulnerable” for a long time, need to ensure that they will be assisted by a couple committed to the task of helping provide material goods necessary for the survival of the family, as well as protection, before they conceive.

Males, on the other hand, would have less reproductive value since biologically their commitment to creating a family is less, so their concerns would be more focused on making sure they are not raising the offspring of another individual (females, in forming the embryos, have it much easier to know who is their offspring and who is not).

Thus, from an evolutionary perspective men should be more likely to be unfaithful, while they would be more fearful of the possibility of their partner making direct sexual contact with other people, while women would be more concerned about the possibility of their partner connecting emotionally with another person.

On the other hand, monogamy would be limiting for both sexes, since in the case of men it minimizes the variety of possible sexual partners and, in the case of women, it prevents them from investing in other potential relationships that may be more worthwhile. The possibility of forming a fixed community around them, whether family or a surrogate, would be one aspect that would contribute to the unity of these relationships once they are formed.

Factors that prevent infidelity

Based on the above explanations, the researchers created a 34-item questionnaire and administered it to 110 people between the ages of 24 and 60 who were married for at least two years and had at least one child from that relationship. The questions in this questionnaire referred to elements that, personally, each individual could value as aspects that would prevent infidelity on their part.

The results show that the aspects that contribute most to preventing infidelity from occurring are moral standards, the consequences that infidelity would have on the sons and daughters, the fear of being left alone, and the effects that cheating would have on the other member of the couple.

Furthermore, the data obtained reflects, to a certain extent, that evolutionary ideas are fulfilled, but only in a very timid way. Men are somewhat more likely to commit infidelity, since child welfare and moral issues carry more weight for women.

Bibliographic references:

  • Ziv, I., Lubin, O. B., & Asher, S. (2017). “I Swear I Will Never Betray You”: Factors Reported by Spouses as Helping Them Resist Extramarital Sex in Relation to Gender, Marriage Length, and Religiosity, The Journal of Sex Research .DOI: 10.1080/00224499.2017.1347602