Getting a son or daughter to start respecting their parents is not always easy. Usually it is not a relational dynamic that appears spontaneously just because of a direct family relationship. In most cases, it is necessary to work proactively to generate this healthy bond between parents and children.
In this article we will look at some key ideas to know what to do so that a child respects his parents . Knowing how to solve this type of conflict in the most constructive way possible and without making the situation worse is fundamental.
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My son doesn’t respect me: what to do?
Every family and parental bond with a child is different. Particular problems require particular solutions, thought out after the specific case. This makes many adults feel disoriented on many issues related to parenting, and the management of authority in front of children is something that often gives headaches.
In particular, there is a pattern that is repeated many times: I want to have a healthy and loving relationship with the little one in the house, but he doesn’t make it easy for me and he breaks the rules … what do I do if my child doesn’t respect me?
Fortunately, although each case is unique, there are general aspects that can guide us when it comes to managing the upbringing of children well. The following are some very useful tips for solving the kind of parenting problems that arise from disrespecting those who want the best for their children.
1. Establishes lines not to be crossed
It is important to be very clear about what kinds of behaviour are totally unacceptable and to differentiate them from others that are simply undesirable but of lesser importance. These ideas will be the main structure on which our management of our son’s or daughter’s disrespect should be built .
It is very important, therefore, to establish from the outset what is not to be tolerated in any way and whose non-compliance will require compensation actions by the child. It is also crucial to act consistently and not to show inconsistencies when applying these rules of respect. Weeks of work can be broken if a few exceptions appear, as it clearly shows that in practice there are no such red lines.
2. Listen to each other
Once this is done, it is very important that you talk about the problem that exists. You should express your concerns and the reason for your discomfort when your son or daughter disrespects you, and he or she should have the opportunity to talk about needs of his or her own that he or she feels are being overlooked. In this way it is possible to reach agreements that both parties value and therefore are not seen as an imposition.
3. When something is breached, it requires compensatory behaviour
This should not be seen as a way of getting even, and it is important that the child does not perceive it that way either. Having spoken about your point of view, it is easier to justify why you are asking for compensation for the discomfort caused, but you still need to explain again why in that complete case it is necessary to make a sacrifice and restore mutual respect.
This compensation should always include an apology, and sometimes this will not be enough. Of course, corporal punishment should not be considered as an option . They should simply be tasks that require an effort proportional to the damage caused, even if it is a symbolic compensation.
4. Enforce the rules immediately
When a rule is broken, it is important to demand compensatory behaviour immediately , not to wait for a context in which it is more comfortable. That way, the association between the infringement and the compensation is more direct and evident, and the experience is memorized as a whole.
5. Give example
This is a point that many parents forget, because it puts them in a compromising position. However, it should be remembered that among the sacrifices involved in parenthood is that of setting an example. It is not only so that our children learn by imitation and do not cause us problems: besides that, it is a right of the little ones to have references of adequate behaviour in their parents, so that they do not find it difficult to adapt to society and to living together with others .
6. Avoid framing the restriction of freedoms as a renunciation of pleasure
It is important to always show that family rules are indeed a limitation on individual freedom, but they are also a way of expanding collective freedoms. By following reasonable rules, it is possible to have friends and allies, to trust each other, and generally to show love for each other.
Thus, complying with the rules is not a necessity because it deprives us of pleasant situations or because what is desirable is impersonal and cold treatment, but because in fact it allows our relationships to be of better quality and, in general, that we enjoy life better in the company of others.
7. Show your humanity
Disrespect, however much it comes from little children, hurts. It’s good to show that discomfort so that your son or daughter faces that part of the consequences of his or her behavior as well.