Sometimes, we begin to trust someone unconditionally , and allow them to know facets of our personality that are not available to everyone… and we think the feeling is mutual.

When we realize that the other person did not really show himself as he really is and did not trust us in the same way, we are overcome with a sense of frustration. We perceive that our expectations were not met and we feel betrayed.

So… what do you do when they play with your feelings? In this article we will talk about this, see how to avoid the feeling of discomfort taking hold of us and review useful tips for coping with this situation and preventing it from happening again.

What to do when you play with your feelings (in the couple or friendship)

When we become aware that we have given too much in a relationship and we don’t get what we expected from the other person, or worse, we discover that that person who is special to us has cheated us in some way. That’s when frustration sets in.

To answer the question of what to do when they play with your feelings, let’s see what tools we can use to deal with this situation.

1. Understand that it is a situation that is not up to you

You don’t have control over the other person, the decisions the other person has made are solely their responsibility and that doesn’t have to affect your emotional stability.

Although it is hard, you must realize that just as you could not prevent the other person from ignoring you, you are not guilty of the actions of others .

2. Remember that you gave your best

Once we have understood that we do not exercise any control over other people’s thoughts and actions, it is good to remember that our behavior was worthy of a good friend or a good partner.

Don’t feel bad about it, on the contrary, focus on the fact that you have the ability to provide others with such a relationship , and that this is something that will accompany you wherever you go.

3. Avoiding catastrophic thinking

In this situation that means not thinking that all people are equal, avoid generalizing . Otherwise we could fall into social abstinence, and that situation is never good for our emotional health.

The ideal is to take some time and then give yourself the opportunity to meet new people, always providing confidence and being open to trusting them as well. Just because you’ve been betrayed doesn’t mean it has to happen again.

4. Strengthening autonomy

The more responsible we are for ourselves, for our emotions and feelings, the easier it will be for us to recover from a betrayal . Depending on another to be well is unhealthy and generates emotional dependence.

The best thing is that we can be calm and happy, even when we don’t have company. If we learn to take advantage of our solitude and enjoy it, then we can create better social relationships .

5. Knowing how to create expectations

This does not mean that we do not expect anything from others, it means that we must better evaluate the expectations we place on others, and ask ourselves to what extent these are achievable or not.

This way will make it less likely that someone will let us down , and we will be avoiding future frustrations.

6. Not spending all our time on one person

Even though we love to be with someone, and would like to see them always, this behavior is not healthy for the relationship. We all need our space to develop in personal areas , which may not be of interest to that special person.

You can have other friendships with whom you feel comfortable in certain spaces. For example, friends from the gym, or friends you play sports with.

7. Working in different areas of our life

Focusing all our energy on social relationships will cause us to limit ourselves in other aspects that are equally important for our personal satisfaction. For example, focusing on academics and work.

This will make us reach personal goals that we can enjoy both alone and in company, and we will be less likely to fall into emotional dependency .

8. Practice expressiveness

When we feel that we have been betrayed, talking about it greatly eases the discomfort. Telling other friends about your experience frees you from an emotional burden that you carry, and you can get valuable advice to help you move on.

9. Knowing how to close cycles

This is about being able to end the stages of your life in an assertive and healthy way for all parties involved.

When you are able to realize that some people are no longer good for your life you need to put an end to that story. No hard feelings, saying goodbye with your head held high and moving on .

10. Going to therapy

Attending therapy can help you put into practice all the tools you need to progress and get out of that uncomfortable situation you find yourself in. You don’t have to hit rock bottom to go to therapy; in fact, you can do it preventively when you think you need to.

With regard to love relationships , the work done by psychologists through psychotherapy helps us to close the cycle of mourning caused by frustration and despair. The fact that someone we have been in love with plays with our feelings not only leads to an evident degradation of that emotional bond; it also makes us feel like tools used by someone we thought would have a central role in our lives.

To realize this is to say goodbye both to the idealized version of that person we have loved, and to that future together that we imagine. And the work of overcoming that grief is something that psychotherapists do in a specialized way, since it is part of the most common problems in terms of personal relationships that are psychologically damaging.

But that kind of pain is also present when a friend has played with our emotions . Saying goodbye to a friendship like this and having to interpret the past moments together again is often hard. Also this process of reinterpreting memory is something that is done in psychological therapy.

Bibliographic references:

  • Blieszner, R.; Adams, R. G. (1992). Adult Friendship. Sage.
  • Levenson, R.W. (1994). Human emotion. A functional view. In P. Ekman & R.J. Davidson (Eds). The nature of Emotions: Fundamental Questions (pp. 123-126). New York: Oxford University Press.