Why do we dream about our ex-partners even though it’s been a long time since the relationship broke up? what is the cause of the return of such torment?
There are many times when you have woken up in the morning, to your regret, thinking about your ex. This is because you have previously, at night, dreamt about your former partner. But what is the cause of us dreaming about our ex-partners? A priori we believe that we have not overcome it, but in reality there are many more explanations worth being aware of so as not to blame ourselves.
Through this article I invite you to reflect on why we dream about your ex so that you understand the mysterious (or not so mysterious…) meaning of dreaming about your ex.
Dreams: the importance of the unconscious
In dream reality our unconscious is revealed; the subconscious tells us about some aspect of our life and about ourselves that we cannot (or do not know) solve when we are awake.
In terms of details…
As I have previously implied, just because you dream about your ex-partner doesn’t mean that you still have feelings for her or him . It’s quite common that while we sleep we project the image of that person who was part of your life without it being linked to an emotional attachment. To realize this, it is vitally important to analyze the details of the dream (what you felt towards him or her, whether something happened between the two of you, etc.).
Be careful not to take dreams at face value!
Dreams are symbolic, their meaning is never literal and, therefore, they are not the reflection of a reality faithful to ours (although there are certain elements that are) .
For example, if you have dreamt that you kissed your ex-partner, it does not mean that you are still in love, but that you probably have the need to be loved and that need is materialized in your ex-partner, in a way because our unconscious takes the references lived through our experience. In short, we cannot evoke what we have not lived, it would be absurd and not very pragmatic in order to solve our problems.
I want to stop dreaming about that person and I can’t!
Another reason we dream of an ex is because we are either not good with our current partner or we are not satisfied with our single life.
These dreams are associated with positive feelings and emotions (love, tenderness, etc.) but always with a background of melancholy that manifests itself upon awakening. Although apparently both situations are different, they have in common that the subconscious is showing us that we have a lack of affection and love .
Another of the most common reasons we dream and think about a former partner is that there are unresolved tensions. When a relationship ends badly or when you haven’t had a moment to express your emotions and thoughts, dreams may form in the form of mild nightmares, nightmares that tell us that we have a pending conversation with our ex-partner and that they won’t go away until we talk to him/her. So you know, be brave and face the ghost of your ex!
Old Demons in the Form of Romantic Thoughts
Insecurity may be another cause, especially when you are starting a new relationship where there is a similar context as when you were with your ex-partner. Our mind is sensitive to stimuli and memory will repeat the memories you experienced with your ex when you associated them with the new relationship.
If when you dream about your ex you are sad, experience anger or any other negative emotion it means we feel insecurity and/or fear of starting with our new partner. We weigh the possibility that we will make the same mistakes as in the past and of course…we don’t want to repeat that situation. In a way, it is a wake-up call from the unconscious not to fall back into the same mistakes. It is not something negative, being aware of it we can have the full will to change things.
Am I a murderer?
A common but rather macabre dream is that we murder our ex-partner … Quiet, that doesn’t mean you’re a psychopath. This dream just means that everything that linked you to your ex has metaphorically died, and that you are therefore ready to start a new relationship.
One possible way anxiety is expressed
When we suffer from anxiety or stress and are not with our partner we may evoke dreams of our ex to feel supported. Relationships are a two way street, if you are going through a bad time it is normal that your mind evokes a substitute for your partner so that you can feel better. It is a deception of the psyche .
In short: dreams are not always a direct reflection of our existence (but they are always an indirect reflection that advises us) and we do not always have a good perception of them. To learn from dreams it is necessary to pay attention and not give them more importance than they really have from an emotional point of view. So, you know, confront your ex-partners!