Not long ago I was on vacation in Santiago de Compostela, Spain. While walking around the cathedral with a friend, a young woman, apparently mute, came up to us , and invited us to read and sign what seemed to be a sort of manifesto asking for the enactment of a law in favour of the rights of people with speech disabilities.

My friend, taken by surprise, and ignorant of what was to come, quickly took the manifesto in his hands, read it, and then signed it accordingly at the end of the sheet. As he did so, I took a couple of steps backwards to take my distance and contemplate the impending spectacle from a place of privilege.

Once my friend agreed to this initial harmless request, the girl quickly handed him a second piece of paper asking him how many euros he was willing to donate to the cause. My friend was disconcerted and I rejoiced. Having accepted that he was in favour of the rights of dumb people, the way was paved for a second request, totally consistent with the first, but somewhat more onerous.

Anyway, my fun didn’t come for free. Not having a penny in his pocket, and disarmed of the cunning needed to escape the trap, my friend asked me to borrow five euros to give to the girl .

Other people with different disabilities approached us later, in other cities in Spain, and even on London Bridge when we went to England, using essentially the same strategy. In all cases, my friend refused to agree to read anything they tried to put in his hands, claiming that he “did not speak the language”.

The power of commitment and positive self-image

It is more likely that we will accept a proposal to which we would naturally refuse if we have previously been induced to accept a minor compromise. When we say “yes” to an apparently low-value request, we are well predisposed to say “yes” to a second request , which is much more important, and which often constitutes the true interest of the individual who is manipulating us underhand.

Why is it so difficult to say “no” in cases like this? Why don’t we find a way to slip away even if we know, or suspect, that we are victims of a small but sophisticated manipulation? In order to answer this, let me ask you a question: do you consider yourself a supportive person?

If your answer is yes, then I ask you a second question: do you consider yourself in solidarity and therefore regularly donate to charities or give alms to the poor on the street? Or is it because you give alms to the poor on the street that you consider yourself in solidarity?

Examining ourselves

Whether we accept it or not, most of the time we think we own the truth, especially in matters that have to do with our personality or that in some way concern us. If there is one thing we consider ourselves experts in, it is ourselves; and it seems quite obvious that no one is in a position to say otherwise.

However, and against all odds, studies say that we do not know each other as well as we think .

A significant amount of research suggests that the label we wear, (e.g., “supportive”) results from our observation of our own behavior. That is, we first look at how we behave in a given situation, and based on that, draw conclusions about ourselves and apply the corresponding label.

While my friend was signing the initial petition, at the same time he was monitoring his own behavior, which helped to forge a self-image of being a well-disposed toward or cooperative with others. Immediately thereafter, confronted with a request that was in tune with the first but at a higher cost, my friend felt compelled to respond in a manner consistent with the idea he had already formed of himself. By then it was too late. Acting contradictorily in a very short period of time generates a certain psychological discomfort that is very difficult to get rid of.

The Poster Experiment

In a fascinating experiment, two people went from house to house in a residential neighborhood to ask the owners for their collaboration in a campaign to prevent traffic accidents.

They were asked for permission, no more and no less, to install in the garden of their houses a gigantic sign, several meters long, that said “drive safely”. To illustrate how it would look once it was up, they were shown a photo showing a house hidden behind the gaudy and unattractive sign.

As expected, practically none of the neighbours consulted accepted such an absurd and excessive request . But, at the same time, another pair of psychologists did the same job a few streets away, asking for permission to place a small sticker with the same message on the windows of the houses. In this second case, of course, almost everyone agreed.

But the funny thing is what happened two weeks later, when the researchers revisited those who had agreed to the sticker placement to ask them if they would let them install the unglamorous sign in the center of the garden. This time, as irrational and stupid as it may seem, approximately 50% of the owners agreed .

What had happened? The small request they had accepted on the first occasion had paved the way for a second, much larger request, but one that was oriented in the same direction. But why? What was the mechanism of brain action behind such absurd behaviour?

Maintaining a coherent self-image

When the neighbors accepted the sticker, they began to perceive themselves as citizens committed to the common good. Then, it was the need to sustain that image of people cooperating with noble causes that pushed them to accept the second request.

The unconscious desire to behave according to our own image seems to be a very powerful instrument once we have accepted a certain degree of commitment.

Conclusion

Just as we look at the things others do to draw conclusions, we also pay attention to our own actions. We get information about ourselves by watching what we do and the decisions we make.

The danger lies in the fact that many swindlers take advantage of this human need for internal coherence to induce us to accept and expressly manifest a certain degree of commitment to some cause. They know that, once we adopt a position, it will be difficult to get out of the trap, naturally we will tend to accept any subsequent proposal made to us in order to preserve our own image.