It is clear that communication is essential in relationships , but it is not everything; there is something else. No matter how much information flows between two lovers, this data can be misinterpreted. And this happens more often than it might seem, among other things, because when it comes to forming a mental image of our partner we are prone to construct a biased version of it.

It actually makes sense that this should be the case, since as in the context of a romantic relationship there are many emotions and feelings at stake. The implications of imagining the other person in one way or another has serious consequences for what we experience, and therefore the human brain directs that process of creating the concept of the other to fit, in part, what is in our best interest.

However, this biased view of the other also remains, in part, because in order for a relationship to be healthy and not dysfunctional it is absolutely necessary to get the other person to get to know our true self , to give them the opportunity to accept it.

Why it matters that your partner knows the real you

Achieving a good degree of rapport with your partner goes far beyond appearances, the fact that everyone sees that “there is chemistry” between you. In fact, letting your partner know who you really are is not only good; it’s necessary for the relationship to have a solid foundation. Below you can find the reasons for this.

1. Understand who the real partner is

People are not just their bodies, their words and their actions. Behind each of them are intentions, concerns, life priorities and their own way of perceiving reality. It is therefore about a stratum of identity that is deeper than what we see and hear from the other person . To understand well what this “I” consists of requires effort, but it is a totally necessary sacrifice.

Creating a bond like a romantic relationship means that the person our partner has fallen in love with really exists beyond their imagination.

2. Anticipating the needs of the other

A good part of what it means to live together is to make each other’s lives easier, to make situations of tiredness less stressful. Although we can idealize relationships, they will be dysfunctional if their members do not complement each other in their daily lives. If the other person is not really understood, many of the attempts to help him/her will be wrong.

3. Really support the other

Understanding your true “I” implies that the other person really understands which life projects you care about . That way, he or she can support you in making decisions that would seem unreasonable to anyone else but that actually respond to the inner logic of what you want for your life.

4. Obtaining validation

We human beings do not like to feel that we are isolated and that we exist in a vacuum. If the couple understands us, they know how to validate us in an authentic and effective way; instead of constantly giving compliments (which would make them lose their value), they offer themselves signs of admiration and affection in a more appropriate way, where they fit in, instead of flooding everything with them.

5. Something more than the individual is created

When our identity really connects with the other, we become part of something that is beyond ourselves. This is an important source of purpose in life that nurtures the good health of the couple . Of course, at no time do we stop being people with our own concerns and sensibilities, but a part of us projects itself beyond individuality.

6. You understand yourself better

From the experience of the other with our true self, we learn about ourselves; we cannot stay away from how someone reacts to the idea that we exist, that we are there and are real beyond all conventions and appearances. In turn, this information serves to yield more in the EQ needed to manage the relationship and its potential conflicts that can make it wobbly.

You give rejection a chance

Simply getting to know the other truly exposes us to the possibility of rejection. This, in itself, is a sign of commitment, maturity and responsibility. The relationship that emerges from that context will be authentic, as long as this dynamic is symmetrical : the other person must also discover himself as he is, give an opportunity to decide on what he really is.