Human nature drives us to satisfy the desire to belong to a social group. Whether it is our family, our group of friends, at work, we tend to do things to feel that we belong to a group and thus feel safe .

Having this need is normal. Taking certain attitudes or customs to strengthen ties is okay. But sometimes this attitude becomes extreme and we begin to feel that we continually need the approval of others to do things, or to make decisions or to be in this or that way. This extreme need is unhealthy and nullifies us as individuals.

Let’s review some reasons why it is not good to always seek the approval of others .

Why it is not good to always seek the approval of others

These are some reasons why it is harmful to always be on the lookout for what others think of us.

1. It makes us anxious

When we feel constantly judged and this affects us, we then seek the approval of others to eliminate that negative judgment; however, even when we get approval, we do not let go of the perception that others are criticizing us and we constantly come back to seek approval.

This vicious circle generates anxiety. We find ourselves in a constant stress until we feel that we never satisfy others and far from stopping trying, we worry more about seeking social approval.

2. We lose freedom

Our decisions are no longer our own but become other people’s decisions about us. This is a loss of freedom, because we are not exercising our capacity to decide, which is the result of the internal voice that tells us what to do and where to go, to give way to the external voice that tells us where to go.

If we are guided only by the opinion of others about our life, we will be allowing all the limiting barriers of society to be imposed on us, and we will stop acting in freedom.

3. We feel exhausted

Living with the constant tension of doing things according to the wishes of others is very exhausting.

Mentally it is very tiring to be thinking about what others will think if we act in such a way , and very devastating when what we do is not approved by others and that affects us greatly. This ends up manifesting itself physically and we begin to feel exhausted, which translates into weight on our backs and lack of energy to do everyday things.

4. Decreases self-confidence

When we make decisions and they turn out to be favourable, we gain confidence in ourselves. If these decisions do not turn out as we expected, this security is diminished, but assuming the consequences of a bad decision allows us to regain confidence and try again .

This helps us to acquire self-confidence and self-sufficiency allowing us to go through life more safely. Needing the constant approval of others makes us feel that we could not do anything without the affirmation of others, and that our achievements are not the result of our own efforts or good actions; but from the outside.

5. We forget our needs

To make a decision we must consider, among other things, our wishes and needs. But if we are seeking the approval of others, we forget that and give way to the tastes and desires of others .

This causes us to give others the power of decision before thinking about what could work well for us, and at this point we will have forgotten what our needs were.

6. We stop understanding that there are different ways of looking at life

We become what we don’t like, and we stop understanding that there is a difference of opinion and we feel that the others; those who make decisions outside of what the group dictates, are wrong and we distrust them and judge them.

Thinking that we must decide based on the approval of others results in losing sight of the breadth of views and opinions that exist about a fact or life itself.

7. We feel the center of the universe

When we seek the approval of others it is because we feel that our life decisions are in everyone’s eye and will be judged and approved or disapproved. This is because we believe that everyone is watching us and reviewing every step.

Feeling this way generates so much anxiety, that we prefer to continually ask for the opinion of others rather than feel that everyone around us judges our decisions.

8. We lose authenticity

Showing ourselves to others as we are becomes impossible. We hide our opinions and feelings. We even dress differently than we would like, or say that we adapt because in reality we are in constant need of the approval of others . With this attitude, we stop being authentic. We get lost in the sea of other people’s opinions and we no longer know who we really are.

To stop being ourselves is undoubtedly one of the most powerful reasons why we should not constantly seek the approval of others.

How do you stop thinking about other people’s opinions?

To get into the habit of not giving other people’s opinions more importance than they have, you can read this article: “Tips to stop thinking about what others think about you”

Bibliographic references:

  • Milazzo, L. (1999). Socialization. José María Várgas University. Venezuela.
  • Ramasubbu, S. (2015-05-26). “Influence of Social Media on Teenagers”. Huffington Post.